How about some love for the ladies?
Dear Dale:
You’re always talking about how you want to have sex with robots. What about us girls? Don’t we get any?
Signed,
How about some love for the ladies?
Dear HASLFTL:
Don’t worry: you’re not going to be left out.
Right now, the focus is on men because… well, let’s face it: when it comes to sex, our needs are a lot more urgent.
But I’m no fool. I know girls need it too. After we get our robots and our desires are thoroughly satisfied, we’ll get around to dealing with yours.
(Just like in real life.)
And, as usual, gay men will lead the way. Although only a minority, they have no children and so, a lot of money. That makes them a prime demographic.
They also place a heavy premium on youth.
(Like all men.)
So there’s already a built-in market for sexy young studs. From which women can only benefit.
What’s that? Not interested? Robots not good enough for you?
(I can almost see you turning your nose up. Much like my ex-wife, whenever I suggested something fun, like a threesome.)
Of course, you say. It’s different for girls. We need affection. Love, even. And you can’t get that from a robot.
Okay, sure. I’ll give you that. Affection doesn’t mean as much to men.
(Which explains the endless appeal of prostitution. The woman could hate us. She often does. But you think that diminishes our pleasure? Hell no.)
Thing is, you’re not getting nearly as much as you think: just as women fake orgasms, men fake affection. It’s the price we pay for sex.
Not to mention sanity. Although it’s true most guys don’t score so high on emotional intelligence, we do have a little sensor that alerts us to trouble: when we see our partner stomping around with a foul look on her face, we immediately go into crisis management mode.
What’s the problem, honey? Can I help? Tell me about your feelings.
And then, once she gets going, we tune out. Think about other things. Like our next fishing trip or Ovechkin’s latest hat trick.
Is a robot really any worse? Not at all. Actually, in many ways, he’s better.
Think about it. A robot is the perfect boyfriend. He doesn’t lie, cheat or wear socks to bed. He’ll remember your birthday, listen to your problems and encourage your dreams.
(Not to mention never call you fat.)
What’s more, you can program him to say and do whatever you want.
(What you try and fail to do to us.)
Not only that. He’s better in bed. Much better. Never have to worry about him coming too soon. Oh, no. Robots can go forever. Just like your vibrator.
Oh, come on. Don’t act so innocent. We both know you have one. Tucked away in a secret drawer somewhere. For when your husband goes out with friends, on a fishing trip or even just to work.
(Talk about afternoon delight.)
Truth is, most middle-aged women, forced to choose between their husband and their vibrator, would go for the vibrator.
We could even make it a Toys-For-Guns thing. Turn your husband in and get a free robot.
This is Kevin. He farts, belches and drools. Please find him a good home.
Just think of all the problems that would solve.
No more toenails scattered across the floor or dishes sitting atop the toilet.
No more wearing the same shirt every day, no matter how bad it smells, because, “it’s my lucky shirt.”
And no more ruined romantic moments because he showed up unshaven, scratched his balls in the middle of a movie, licked chocolate off his sleeve or loudly announced to all around that he has to take a leak.
Instead, your life would be non-stop handholding, romantic walks in the park and heartfelt declarations of love. He’d do your dishes, listen to you talk about your feelings and give you an intense orgasm every night. How can you say no to that?
I’m not religious — it’s all bullshit — but if I were, I’d say God split humanity in half, into male and female, so we could make each other miserable and so, save Him the trouble.
(Our real punishment for eating that apple.)
But now, thanks to robots, we can satisfy our sexual needs without having to deal with the unpleasantness of other people. Like porn, only 3-D.
So join the robot revolution. Place your order now. You’ll be glad you did. Because once women realize they can have all the benefits of a relationship without having to deal with men, the demand will be overwhelming. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
