How can I get my wife to wear sexy underwear?
Dear Dale:
I’m a middle-aged guy who’s been married a long time. My wife’s a good gal can’t fault her cooking or cleaning or nothing but she won’t wear sexy undies. She used to. I’d buy a stripper costume with tassels and everything and we’d play satisfy the customer but she lost interest in that. She still lets me do her and sometimes enjoys it but it’s always me that’s got to suggest it and there’s no fooling around. How can I get my wife to wear sexy underwear?
Signed,
I thought women liked foreplay
Dear ITWLF:
I understand your feeling. There’s a reason we men go to strip clubs and it’s not because of the buffet.
(Although it can be pretty good sometimes. Especially at Slee Zees. It’s right next to a slaughterhouse and the owner has an arrangement with them: the workers get in for free and we get their meat scraps. The only downside is the screaming of the animals. Either that or the strippers. I can never be sure.)
But you got to look at it from her point of view: ever since her teens, she’s been dressing like a slut. And why? To attract the attention of a guy like you.
But it’s hard work — the hair, the clothes, the makeup — so naturally, as soon as you say “I do,” she starts to slack off.
(Just like fishing. Once the fish is out of the water and in the boat, there’s no need for a fancy lure or tasty bait.)
The first thing to go is lingerie. It’s uncomfortable, she says. Regular panties are good enough.
And the sad thing is, she’s right: all she has to do is drop them and your flag flies straight up to the top of the pole.
(We men are so weak.)
Makeup is next. She’ll still puts it on to meet her friends — one has to keep up appearances — but she isn’t going to bother looking good for you anymore.
(You’ve seen her take a dump. There’s no coming back from that.)
Pretty soon she’s lounging around the house in sweats and a dirty T-shirt, her legs and armpits looking like they’ve never seen a razor.
(Good luck getting her to shave her pussy. It’s a veritable rainforest down there.)
But it wasn’t always like that, right? By your own admission, she used to do that special thing you like so much: attach tassels to her tits, hover overhead like a helicopter and slap you silly. So what went wrong?
Simply put, you didn’t tip her. For years, she gave it her all, gyrating her body in unbelievably erotic ways all for… nothing. Not even a bit of spare change.
(Even the homeless get that.)
So naturally, she gave up. Put away her stripper suit and became a drudge. Spends her days sitting around the house watching TV and eating junk food.
But it’s not too late. You can rekindle her passion. All you have to do is go down to the bank and get a huge pile of singles. Then, next time she wanders past, slip one into her panties. You’ll be amazed at the change it makes: her eyes will light up; a smile will spread across her face; and her body will bustle with a new-found energy — all of which will be directed towards pleasing you.
So if you want your wife to act like a stripper, treat her like one. You’ll be glad you did. Because, even though she’s your wife and so, presumably loves you, nothing motivates people more than money. Every man dreams of marrying a stripper. You already have. You just don’t know it. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
