Should I return the Christmas lights I stole?
Dear Dale:
Went to a party last night. Don’t remember much but pretty sure I did acid and then drove home. Not the first time.
But when I woke up this afternoon I saw a long line of Christmas lights running off my bumper like a tail.
Guess I hit a house and tore them off. That explains the popping sounds. People crushing them with their cars. Thought it was just my brain cells.
Was happy at first. Free lights. Was putting them up when my girlfriend came over.
She flipped out. Told me to take them back. Because it’s Christmas. Told her to fuck off and she did but now I feel horny. What should I do?
Signed,
Coming down hard
Dear CDH:
I totally agree with you. Anything you end up with at the end of an acid trip is one hundred percent yours. I have a whole room full of such stuff.
(Lord knows where I got it.)
But if you retrace your steps, you might find something else, a plastic Santa or Styrofoam reindeer, that you pried loose and dragged for a block or two.
So take a drive. If you’re not too wasted. Or even if you are.
(No judgements here.)
But the real question is: Why are you with someone who doesn’t appreciate the real you? Shit happens. An acid trip is a special experience. A chance to get truly fucked up. If your girlfriend can’t understand that, dump her. Lots of women like drugs. Find one. You’ll be glad you did. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
