Is there such a thing as toxic femininity?
Dear Dale:
Every time I turn on the TV I see something about toxic masculinity. I get it. We guys are pigs. No doubt about it. But what about women? Is there such as thing as toxic femininity?
Signed,
Unsure about equality
Dear UAE:
There sure is. I have this co-worker, this woman named Belinda, and man, is she a piece of work. Loud, obnoxious, offensive… a lot like me. But with tits.
She’s also extremely unattractive.
(Even I won’t do her.)
Besides being obese, she has a skin disease that makes her look like a burnt marshmallow and a gimp hand she likes to lay on people’s shoulders — even though it clearly makes them uncomfortable.
She’s also bald, having shaved her head to protest against sexual harassment. Has a big sign over her desk that reads: No means No!
(Like anyone would ever try.)
Despite that, she got really drunk at the Christmas party and started hitting on guys. Walked around with a sprig of mistletoe and dared us to kiss her.
Most of my co-workers ran for their lives.
(Chicks have no idea the terror a fat woman inspires in us. Most guys would rather fight the Ukrainians than go out on a date with a fat girl.)
I saw guys, guys that had fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, lock themselves in their trucks and duck below the dashboard to avoid her.
So I stepped up. Grabbed her around the waist, planted a big wet kiss on her lips and told her she was beautiful.
(I was drunk of course.)
She started to cry.
“No one’s ever said that to me,” she sobbed.
“There’s a first time for everything,” I replied.
And then, we sat down and got blisteringly drunk together.
So next time your wife or girlfriend flips out over some minor transgression, like coming home drunk at five A.M. with a female friend, try, in the immortal words of Frank Sinatra, a little tenderness.
You’ll be glad you did. Because nothing calms the irrational volcanic fury of a woman like a few kind words. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
