Should I give in to peer pressure?
Dear Dale:
I’m a high school student working in a restaurant. The other guys are nice real friendly and always joking around but do things that make me uncomfortable. I don’t mind the sexual stuff like when they pretend to bone me from behind because that’s just goofing around but it makes me nervous when they screw with the food like yesterday when Jordan dropped his pants rubbed a sausage against his butt and cooked it. I mean sure I guess the heat killed the germs but I wonder if that’s such a good idea since someday someone might get sick. I want to say something but am worried they’ll think I’m not cool. What should I do? Say something maybe tell the boss or keep my mouth shut?
Signed,
Don’t ever eat at my restaurant
Dear DEEAMR:
Keep your mouth shut. Definitely. You’re the new guy. So it’s your job to go along with everyone else, doing whatever they do, no matter how stupid or dangerous: dropping water balloons onto moving cars, tossing lit firecrackers into operating rooms or chasing kids around a schoolyard with chainsaws… it’s all good fun and even if you do end up in jail, at least you’ll have earned their respect. And that’s the main thing.
But if, for some reason, you decide to ignore my advice, for God’s sake, don’t tell your boss. Because no one likes a snitch: not only will your co-workers never trust you again, they’ll make your every working moment a misery.
I should know. We had this guy once, a student like you, young, idealistic, a real keener, who wanted to make an impression.
Unfortunately, the person he tried to impress was our boss. Told him he saw us drinking in the comfort station when we should’ve been working.
Now, my boss isn’t stupid. He knows we drink on the job and that he can’t do anything about it because our union is rock solid but it gratified him to no end to have this pipsqueak rat us out like that.
So what did we do? Drove the garbage truck up to his car, opened a window and filled the interior with trash. Threw an empty whiskey bottle in as a calling card. Not that he had any doubt who did it.
You should’ve seen the poor kid’s face. Looked like he was going to cry. Actually felt sorry for him. But not enough to stop me slashing his tires.
(That’s what you get for being a rat.)
As for the horseplay… fucking with your food is the restaurant worker’s right: overworked, underpaid and ever-abused, they spit in the soup, teabag the salad and garnish the main with whatever critters live in their crotch.
Not that I care. Food today is so sterile. That and processed. Germs are the only thing that give it taste. If fast food workers actually washed their hands after taking a dump, McDonald’s would lose most of its customers.
So next time one of your co-workers pulls a prank, sticks his dick in a fish’s mouth or performs cunnilingus on a crab, don’t just stand there with a stupid smile on your face. Join in instead. You’ll be glad you did. Because no one likes a wet blanket and the easiest way to bond with people is by not giving a shit. That and bitch about your boss. Believe me, I know. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
