Should I sleep with my student?
Dear Dale:
I’m a high school English teacher, recently graduated, who enjoys his job. I like working with young people, most of whom are not that much younger than me, assisting them with the struggles of adolescence and helping them find their future.
One in particular, a senior in my creative writing class. I didn’t notice her at first. She’s shy and doesn’t say much in class but, unlike the others, most of whom are carbon copies of the writers they admire, writes sensitive stories about her alcoholic mother and growing up without a father.
Over time, we became more familiar. She often lingers after class to ask me questions and, bit by bit, has opened up about her life, about her parents, growing up poor and all the other things that before she was only willing to put on paper. Sometimes I tell her about my life and we share a laugh.
The other day, we both reached for a pen and our hands met. I looked at her. She looked at me. Neither of us moved. The way she was looking at me… I’m sure she wanted me to do something. But I didn’t. Finally, after a long pause, I moved my hand. She looked down and blushed.
Since then, I’ve been obsessed with her. All I can think of is that moment and what I didn’t do. She still comes to class and I can feel her eyes on me but she no longer lingers after and an awkwardness has arisen between us.
I know it’s wrong — illegal, even — but, more and more, I find myself thinking the unthinkable: having a relationship with a student. Should I?
Signed,
Don’t stand so close to me
Dear DSSCTM:
Absolutely! You don’t often get a chance to do a teenager — for free, anyway — so you should definitely go for it.
Now this is the part where I have to say that I don’t in any way condone rape, sexual assault or coercion. Or even getting her liquored up.
(Unless of course she wants to. I started drinking in elementary school and see no reason to deny others the same advantages I had.)
Not that you need to. She’s obviously into you. And why wouldn’t she be? You’re an older guy — old enough to be interesting but young enough to be cool — with a real job — one that doesn’t require a hat with a fast-food logo — a bit of money — always important — and probably treat her nicely too. Listen to her problems, encourage her dreams… You know, give a shit.
Unlike boys her own age, whose idea of flirting is to pick their nose and flip boogers at the girls they like. Compared to them, you’re a rock star.
Okay sure, some say it’s bad for the kids. But that’s just nonsense. There’s a long history of teachers banging their students.
Abelard and Heloise, for example.
(Of course, she did end up a nun and he got his nuts nipped.)
Mary Kay and her boy toy.
(They have a couple hotties of their own now.)
And Macron and his squeeze.
(To quote the president: she’s still hot!)
For most people, it’s a positive experience. A chance to learn about life from someone older and wiser.
(How’s a chick going learn about sex from a two-minute man?)
As well as open some doors.
(Older men are an excellent stepping stone to success.)
At the very least, she’ll have a good time. A brief bit of pleasure before she gets tossed into the meatgrinder of employment. Hell, if she’s really lucky, you’ll marry her and she’ll never have to work a day in her life.
(Wish I had been that lucky.)
But you’ll have to do it on qt. Besides being illegal — which is really unfair: if teenagers can sex with under-age chicks, why can’t adults? — it’s bound to raise a few eyebrows in the staffroom: despite their moral outrage, the male teachers will be envious and the female ones will hate your guts for going for someone younger than them.
(Hell hath no fury like a woman past her prime.)
And then there’s the students. The dudes will be pissed off you poached one of theirs. And for good reason. Because if teachers can do students, that will take all the hotties — cheerleaders and such — out of circulation and everyone will move down one rank. The rockers, jocks and other stars of the school will have to be content with a lower layer of talent: the girls from the drama club, brass band and, God help us, poetry circle.
Some of them might not even get laid. Which will make them extremely dangerous. Ever seen stags in springtime? You’ll have to watch your back.
As for the girls… once they find out you’re on the market, a lot of them will want to do you too. Now, you’re a young stud. Can probably handle half a dozen. But can you do twenty? Thirty? Forty? No matter how generous you are with your time and attention, sooner or later, you’re going to have to draw the line and the ones that don’t make the cut it aren’t going to like it one bit.
As for the others, the weight- and beauty-challenged in particular… they won’t mind. Because they’ll know they never had a chance. Besides, they’ll be going up a rank. Some of them may even get a date for the first time in their lives. So if you get some anonymous Thank You cards, you’ll know why.
As for losing your job… who gives a shit? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life supervising teenagers, most of whom are just a bunch of surly gum-chewing fart machines? I sure wouldn’t. I hated school and dropped out as soon as I could. I’d rather sell my organs than step in one ever again.
Besides, alcoholic mother and no father? That’s a keeper. I could really relate to such a woman. I’ve been writing about that for years, although maybe not quite as sensitively.
So yes, definitely, go for it. Toss that teaching certificate in the garbage and follow your heart. Or at least your prick. You’ll be glad you did. Because who wants to be a pathetic old pedant students laugh at? You’re not going to be attractive to teenagers forever. Take advantage of it while you can. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
