What’s so funny about peace, love and incontinence?
Dear Dale:
Which would you rather do, shit yourself or piss yourself?
Signed,
Undecided
Dear U:
Shit myself. For sure. Now I know that sounds disgusting — and is — but hear me out. What’s your image of a guy who pisses himself?
An old guy, right? Sitting hunched in a chair, supported by suspenders and stylishly attired in a shirt that was fashionable fifty years ago, a wayward circle of urine slowly saturating the center of his crotch. Talk about uncool.
Compare that to a guy who shits myself. He’s young, out on the town, maybe even a bender, heavily dosed with anti-biotics to kill that pesky case of clap and, in that devil-may-care attitude that only the young possess, has decided to ignore his doctor’s advice about combining drugs and alcohol.
One minute he’s regaling his fellow barflies with an amusing anecdote about his most recent trip to the drunk tank and the next, his pants are full of shit.
To the amusement of all around.
May seem unfair but that’s just the way it is. Because, like it or not, there’s a certain cachet to crapping yourself that pissing yourself can never achieve.
So for all you guys out there who can’t hold your urine… wear a diaper. You’ll be glad you did. Because nothing says old like a guy with leaky plumbing. You may have all the money in the world but if the chick you’re working on spots that telltale stain in your crotch or sees a little lake form around your zipper… it’s game over. And rightfully so. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
