Where did all these perverts come from?
Dear Dale:
I was downtown the other day when I heard a horn honk, looked up and saw some guy in a dress shake his hips at me and it wasn’t just one. There were dozens of them, all riding trucks and hooting and hollering like their team had just won the championship so I asked the guy next to me and he said it was the perverts’ parade. They do that now, put on makeup and sexy clothes and dry hump one another while rolling through the city on floats. There was a little boy beside me with a balloon and he looked confused and I don’t blame him one bit. I live in a small city. Where did all these perverts come from?
Signed,
This used to be a family town
Dear TUTBAFT:
I know what you mean. Parades used to be good clean fun. Drunk Shriners driving around in clown cars, throwing candy at kids and clipping a couple.
But somewhere along the line they became political: blacks, chicks, gays… all marching for the right to be as weird as they want.
As for the numbers… I used to wonder about that too. They say gays are only ten percent of the population. And yet, when you see one of their parades, it looks like the whole city is part of the procession.
But then I realized: it’s the same guys, a small group of sexual activists who go from town to town, roaming the country in a sort of travelling sodomy show.
Which makes sense. Because if only five percent of the population is similarly inclined — the other five being lesbians — that seriously limits your fuck-pool.
(No wonder they keep trying to recruit us straight guys.)
And since gay guys are guys, they want to have sex all the time.
(Just like us straight guys. But we have to find a woman who’s willing first and chicks can be surprisingly uncooperative.)
So they do. Before breakfast, after lunch, during dinner… you name it, they’re doing it. But with the same few guys, over and over again.
(It’s almost as bad as being married.)
So naturally they want to hit the road, go somewhere new and find a dude they haven’t already done a hundred times over.
But, to be fair, that’s nothing new: for centuries, perverts and prostitutes have travelled about, performing indecent acts and spreading disease and debauchery everywhere they go.
They’re called actors.
Think about it. Western drama begins with the ancient Greeks — the very guys who were famous for bedding boys instead of their wives.
And then there’s Shakespeare. People talk about him like he was some sort of saint but the truth is, he was a randy bastard. As were all the other members of his troupe, none of whom were above a bit of buggery.
Same thing with the movies: Cesar Romero, Rock Hudson, Tab Hunter, Antony Perkins, Montgomery Clift… the list is endless.
And that’s just the men. The list of women is equally long: Marlene Dietrich, Greta Garbo, Joan Crawford, Katherine Hepburn and Jodie Foster.
They haven’t taken over Hollywood: they’ve always had it.
Which shouldn’t be a surprise since, to be an actor, you have to be in touch with your feelings and what straight dude wants to do that?
So next time some guy in fishnet stockings shakes his crotch at you, don’t get upset. Applaud him instead. You’ll be glad you did. Because, in the immortal words of William Shakespeare: “All the world’s a Pride Parade.” Just be glad he isn’t charging you admission. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
