Why am I always afraid?
Dear Dale:
I’m a fearful person who sees danger everywhere. Every meal is poison. Every ache is cancer. Every car ride is a crash. I don’t drink, date or go to parties. I can’t handle conflict and avoid people as much as possible.
But the thing I fear most is death. As miserable as my life is, I can’t bear the thought of not being here and have spent endless hours wondering how I’ll die. Cancer? Heart attack? Stroke? It’s all bad.
And then I look at you. You’re always drunk, high and fighting with people. You have no friends and your family hates you. You commit crimes, are often in jail and OD at least once a month. By any normal standard, you’re insane.
And yet, I envy you. Because you’re not afraid of anything. Why am I always afraid and how can I overcome my fears?
Signed,
Living in fear
Dear LIF:
Sorry to hear you’re such a Nervous Nellie. But don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault. I met this doctor in a bar once and he told me about something called the amygdala. It’s an almond-shaped organ in your brain that controls your emotions and, when stimulated, makes you afraid.
Usually, that’s not a problem. See a tiger, get scared and run. But, for some people, it’s too sensitive. Like when you’re carrying a kilo and a cop asks you the time. Last thing you want to do then is lose your cool.
Luckily, I don’t have that problem. My sense of fear is stunted. Absent, even. Could be a result of all the alcohol my mom drank while pregnant. Or maybe it was all those slaps on the head I got from her “boyfriends.” Whatever the reason, I don’t seem to be troubled by danger and have a refreshing lack of common sense. Just ask my parole officer. He’ll tell you.
Most people, however, are not so lucky and so, have to rely on chemicals: coke, E and our old friend, alcohol.
(Nothing takes away the fear of a barfight like a few shots of hard liquor.)
The best way to deal with your fears is by meeting them head-on. Eat a live tarantula. Do several hits of acid and then ride the Salt and Pepper Shakers. Get liquored up, go to the roughest bar you know and challenge the first guy you see to a fight. You’ll lose, of course. But that’s the point: to put yourself in a dangerous situation and survive. There’s no bigger confidence booster.
As for not fearing death… that’s partly age. Truth is, life is like a bottle of whiskey. When you’re young, it’s full so you’re possessive. You keep an eye on it at parties and if someone shows signs of trying to steal it, you get upset. But when you’re old, it’s almost empty so if someone steals it, you don’t lose much. Just a drink or two. Plus which, you’re probably too pissed to notice.
My guess is you’re young. Haven’t hit the point yet where death is a relief. But ask yourself: Do I really want to live forever? Just think about what that would mean. For one thing, no retirement. Guy works thirty years and then collects a pension for the next million. Do you really think that’s doable?
Hell no. The pension fund would collapse for sure. Which means you’d have to work forever. Do you really want to do that? I sure as hell don’t. I’d rather die than spend all eternity with my boss.
And what about the others? If no one died and everyone kept having babies, the world would be ridiculously crowded. Just think of all the time you’d spend searching for a parking space. Eventually, you’d get so frustrated you’d use the handicapped spot.
(I already do.)
Fact is, death is God’s way of tidying up. The old. The sick. The unlucky. God removes them from the lawn of creation, leaving it nice and neat so that His neighbor, the Devil, can’t complain.
So next time you’re feeling anxious about your own mortality, take a listen to that classic Blood, Sweat & Tears song, “And When I Die.”
“And when I die, and when I’m gone, there’ll be, one child born, in this world, to carry on, to carry on.”
You’ll be glad you did. Because nothing eases the fear of death like being part of something bigger. Politics or religion. Or, best of all, a sports team. Players, coaches, even fans come and go but the team lives on forever. And with it, so can you. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
