Why are my standards so low?
Dear Dale:
I was quite romantic when I was young. I would fall in love and, if I couldn’t have the woman, be so heartbroken I wouldn’t look at another for weeks. But now that I’m older, I couldn’t care less about love and just want to fuck everything that moves. What happened and why are my standards so low?
Signed,
I’ll do anyone
Dear IDA:
DNA. Your genes are like Mexican jumping beans, always trying to escape, out of you and into the future. When you’re young, they’re selective because they want the best vessel: someone young, healthy and good-looking.
Also, if you knock the woman up, odds are, you’re going to have to support the kid. For a couple years anyway. So you’d better invest your sperm wisely.
(Unless, like me, you’re horny as hell and more than willing to squander your genetic inheritance on any slut who comes along.)
But that all changes with time: after a certain age, it’s now or never for your genes. That fat girl with the limp you passed on in high school… you’ll do her now. Her and every other woman you’ve ever met.
So turn the heat up and get those beans jumping. You’ll be glad you did. Because, in the immortal words of BTO, any loving is good loving. Besides, like money, you can’t take your DNA with you and even if you do roll snake eyes and have a kid, at your age, you’ll probably be able to weasel out of your obligations by dying soon after. Either way, you win. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
