Why are the Japanese always ahead of us?
Dear Dale:
I hear Japanese guys use special technology to see through women’s clothes at sporting events. What a great idea! Why are they always ahead of us?
Signed,
Thoroughly impressed
Dear TI:
It’s called infrared photography. Special cameras that pick up heat so you can tell where the panties end and the butt begins. Same thing with bras.
Can’t say I see the attraction. Especially since the internet is overflowing with pictures of naked women.
(Guess they couldn’t find any.)
As for the Japanese… they’ve always been more than a bit perverse: cosplay, karaoke and Hello Kitty, they’re all the products of a deeply disturbed nation.
(Where else can you buy soiled panties from a vending machine?)
Unfortunately, they didn’t have photography. Not at first anyway. Had to be content to just sit around, drink tea and look at wood prints of octopus porn.
But that all changed once Commodore Perry came sailing up Tokyo Bay in his iron ships and showed them some dirty pictures of his wife.
At which point, they eagerly embraced change: forks, factories and fascism.
Collected their whores and sent them abroad to earn hard currency. Called them the Gone-To-China Sisters.
(Not sure I’d want my sister taking a trip like that.)
Used the money to modernize their military. Got so good they beat Russia in a war.
(Big deal. Even the Ukrainians can do that.)
But then they made the mistake of taking us on and, despite sucker punching us at Pearl Harbor, got their butts good and thoroughly kicked.
(That’s what you get for messing with the good old U.S. of A.)
After that they settled down to economic warfare, stealthily destroying our industries by selling us quality products at reasonable prices.
Got so bad they took over Columbia and Rockefeller Center and, for a while there, it looked like they were going to pass us as number one.
(The Imperial Palace alone was considered more valuable than California.)
But then their bubble burst, they stopped having kids and the other Asians started eating their lunch.
(It’s gotten so bad pretty soon even the Vietnamese will pass them.)
Now, just like the Europeans, they’re great power has-beens who’ve since re-invented themselves as lifestyle superpowers.
The Europeans have food, drink and beautiful buildings and the Japanese, hobbies: anime, manga and Pokémon Go.
That and perversion, where they are world leaders: groping chicks on trains, Air-Dropping dick pics to strangers and taking snaps of women’s undies.
(Ever wondered why they’re so good at making cameras?)
But declining empires can be dangerous: England, France, America… we’ve all gotten ourselves entangled in pointless wars for the sake of prestige.
(Vietnam, anyone?)
So next time you see an Asian guy hiding in a manhole, don’t call the cops. Applaud him instead. You’ll be glad you did. Because it takes real dedication to climb into a sewer for just a few upskirt photos. Besides, it keeps him busy — instead of flying across the ocean to bomb our battleships. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
