Why do homeless people keep dying at Dunkin’ Donuts?
Dear Dale:
I was at a donut shop the other day when I saw a homeless guy sitting across me but he wasn’t moving so I called the clerk over and turns out he was dead. Croaked it right there with a coffee and a half-eaten Marble-Frosted in front of him. I was appalled. Can’t they do that somewhere else? In an alley or under a bridge or something? I wasn’t going to go back there but they make a damn good Boston Kreme Pie and would you believe it? It happened again! What gives Dale? Is it something they put in the dough? Slip in a bit of poison to cull the homeless? If so, I’ll all for it. But can’t they move them to another room first? Like Hitler did with the Jews. At least he was discreet.
Signed,
Lost my appetite
Dear LMA:
I don’t doubt Dunkin’ Donuts is killing us — one Chocolate-Frosted at a time. But it’s not intentional. Just a result of our relentless greed for fat and sugar.
And I understand your feeling. No one likes looking at a corpse, especially in the middle of a meal. I feel the same way when I visit my mom in the nursing home. All those old people… God only knows if they’ll make to dessert.
And at least you’re honest. Unlike liberals, who claim to be outraged by such things but really just don’t want it in their neighborhood — like drugs, crime and Barry Manilow concerts.
But the truth is, no one is born homeless. Beneath that pile of rotten rags and bad BO is a human being who deserves dignity and respect.
Besides, are you really so sure you won’t be him someday? Especially since the one percent just keeps eating up more and more of our national wealth. Used to be we got their crumbs. Now, we don’t even get that.
Fact is, everything in America — banking, insurance, craft beer — is a con designed to make rich people richer and people like you and me, poorer.
So next time a homeless person buys the farm in front of you, don’t be put out. Say a little prayer for him instead. You’ll be glad you did. Because, odds are, he’ll need it: if this life is any indication, the rich probably own paradise as well. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
