Why does my girlfriend keep throwing out my stuff?

Photo by Zachary Olson on Unsplash (altered by author)

Dear Dale:

My girlfriend moved in last month. I’m not into art but have some baseball banners and beer posters she wants to throw out. What should I do?

Signed,

Whose place is it anyway?

Dear WPIIA:

It’s hers. The moment a chick moves in with a guy, she begins building a nest. For the little birds to come. So naturally all his stuff goes straight into the garbage. That you would try to hold onto it makes no sense to her. What does a baby need with a beer poster? Especially one with a hottie in a bikini.

As for art… ever been to a museum? Not recently, I know. But you must’ve, at least once. Look at the labels. Almost all the pictures are by men. Why? Because women have no feeling for the finer things. When a man comes home with a picture of Jesus in a poker visor or rodeo clowns standing at a urinal, she can’t understand it. The beauty is beyond her. Instead, she litters the room with pillows and pastels. All in the name of comfort.

So what’s the solution? Simple. Let her have the house: the living room, the kitchen, the bedroom, everything. All except one room that is yours, where you can put up your posters and banners, watch sports, drink beer and look at porn. The basement is best. It’s quiet down there and the stairs will deter her. Truth is, every man needs a room of his own. Insist on it. You’ll be glad you did. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Dale

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