Why does my wife always want to know where I am?
Dear Dale:
Why does my wife always want to know where I am?
Signed,
On the run
Dear OTR:
Women are quicksand. The longer you stand in one place, the deeper you sink. Eventually, they swallow you up. After that, you’re just an accessory. Like a necklace. Or pair of shoes. And if those shoes start wandering away… they get upset.
Some men fight it. Insist on their independence. None of your business, they say, and slam the door on their way out. But that’s a mistake. Because bars only stay open so late. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to go home. And when you do, your wife will be waiting for you.
You may think you’re up for it. Ready for that big brawl that’s been building for weeks. You’re sick to death of this shit and refuse to take it anymore. Plus which, you’re primed: nothing sharpens the mind like a dozen drinks.
That’s an even bigger mistake. Because, when it comes to fighting, men are sprinters and women are marathon runners. You could be one hundred percent in the right — probably are — but it won’t matter because, sooner or later, you’re going to get tired. The desire for sleep will overwhelm you.
Not women. They can go all night long. And don’t think tomorrow will be any better. You’ll wake up, your head pounding with pain, having forgotten the whole thing, and she’ll be sitting there, armed crossed in a chair, staring you down like a prizefighter getting ready for round two.
Some guys, they’ve been suffering for years. One of them, a buddy of mine, even has nightmares. Dreams he’s died and gone to hell. Well, he thinks, I’m finally free. But no, there she is. Standing at the gates of hell waiting for him. “This is for you,” Satan says. “She’s driving the rest of us crazy.”
So no, don’t fight it. Instead, make a game of it. Refuse to answer when she calls. Hide behind the door or under the bed. She’ll be annoyed. Until she realizes you’re being playful. At which point her attitude will change.
(Women like it when you fuck with their minds. They think it’s romantic.)
In time, you can extend your hide-and-seek territory to include bars, strip clubs and other places of male amusement. She’ll find you eventually but, instead of getting angry, just say, “your turn” and let her run to her mother or sister or whatever female friend she likes to complain to.
Remember: doing things together is the basis of a successful relationship. Make the effort. You’ll be glad you did. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
