Part 6

To: GlennTTTT

Fm: DriveBri

Subject: Jane

Thanks for the email. But I can’t believe you were so worried I was going to try to sleep with your ex! Haha. You divorced guys have some pretty crazy obsessions. Like, when my brother got divorced, he took up CrossFit and got so into it he even was in their ad for Jersey Strong Crossfit, which aired on local Montclair, NJ cable. Which is where his ex-wife lives, so she and her current boyfriend, who owns a fleet of trucks, could have seen the commercial where my brother flips a giant truck tire. I guess life can be ironic like that.

Wow! What a night I had with your Jane. Not your Jane, I should say. She made that clear. Independent Jane who does what she wants. Did you know she’s planning to move here to Manhattan? L.A.’s loss, in my opinion — she looked great! Kind of a tight sheathy, shimmery sleeveless dress, her hair all blond and her skin still California tan. I don’t usually walk into a bar with a woman who turns heads, but boy, I did last night. It makes me so sad you guys couldn’t work out your problems because she is at a real high point, looks-wise. And she’s also just an interesting, genuine, fun person. Again, don’t worry! You know the saying: “Bro-code = friend zone.” That’s what I kept saying to myself on my way to meet her, and it actually worked!

You know, I’ve never actually had a friend who is also a woman. I guess Cathy was sort of my friend. On paper, she was my girlfriend, but she stopped sleeping with me the last year we were together, which more or less put her in the friend class. Of course, looking back, I think she was telling the truth when she said she stayed with me our last year only so she could keep using the gym in my building. So maybe we weren’t even friends. But with Jane, it just felt natural because we both wanted to talk about the same thing — you.

Oh, Glenn, so much anger. We were drinking a kind of bespoke craft cocktail — something called a Stable Boy, with hay-infused bourbon and a sugar cube — which really helped bring out the honesty, though I’m guessing Jane regrets getting a sixth. And that on top of the wine she said she had at lunch. I only had two Stable Boys owing to a slight bourbon allergy I discovered at a Kentucky Derby party one year. I’m also allergic to 19 dollar cocktails, ha ha ha! Not Jane, though, since I guess you’re still paying for all her drinks. I think she might have also gotten a couple of freebies from the young bartender she was flirting with. Steve. Good dude. He ended up knocking off early so he could help her get back to her Airbnb.

I think you can still save the relationship, Glenn, but she needs some time to be herself. She said she was too young to get married and she put aside her dreams to support yours, which is a cliché, but my job last night was to listen. She wants excitement. She wants to live in New York and read interesting books and go to downtown parties and meet new people and try a sex club. Yes, she did say “sex club,” which I took as a catch-all way of saying she wants new and unusual adventures. But then I pressed her on the subject and she said no, it’s not a catch-all, she specifically wants to go to a sex club. In fact, owing to the Stable Boys, she said it pretty loudly and a lot of guys turned to stare. I’ll say this about Jane, she has no problem returning a man’s gaze! Anyway, try to remember that it’s a physical thing, not emotional.

But the main thing from last night was this: Jane was encouraging about my dream of writing a screenplay. She was absolutely telling me to go for it. “If Glenn can do it, you sure as hell can do it too.” Even though she barely knows me at all, she thinks of you and I as creative equals. And I know you feel the same. I’m going to do it, Glenn. I’m going to write my movie!

— The Bri

P.S. I promise I’ll keep an eye on Jane for you. And if her trip to the sex club is fun, maybe you should come to New York so you and I can check it out together. Not as a couple, obviously.

P.P.S. Have you thought about CrossFit? They say exercise is good for depression. Plus, back at reunion, when I was Heimliching you, I couldn’t help noticing a kind of “fullness of breast,” and if we ever do make it to a sex club, you’re going to want to be able to take off your shirt.

P.P.P.S. I know you’re dying for me to get to the latest news on the sitch (situation) with Nicole, the note, and Kyle. I think you’ll really like the great plan I’ve brainstormed. Stay tuned!