The Art of Asking

These are wild times for women in journalism. On one hand, we arguably have more opportunities than ever before in history and yet, worldwide, female reporters still face countless obstacles to professional development — from wage gaps to online harassment and offline violence.

Sometimes it makes me want to give up. Most days I just scream into a pillow (try it, feels great.) But it’s important we resist and I suggest a simple practice:

Ask more questions.

In an industry that feeds off our insecurities and pitches us against each other, asking for what we need can be a subversive move — whether that is advice or travel expenses.

Skeptical? Here are some benefits of asking for more:

• Dramatically improves the chances of getting what you want
• It shows you are human (you’re not all-powerful? Great, let’s be friends)
• It makes you compassionate towards the needs of others
• It challenges unrealistic (and often sexist) expectations
• It improves the standards for those who will come after you

Still, most female journalists struggle to ask for what they need; which is painfully ironic. After all, is there something more quintessentially journalistic than asking questions?

As professionals, we will not hesitate to chase down a source for months in order to get an answer. But when it’s to negotiate our salary or ask a friend for an editor’s contact info, well, that’s a different animal.

This selective muteness is so pervasive sometimes it’s hard to identify. But see if you can relate to any of the following. Have you ever…

… prefaced a question by saying “sorry for asking” or “this is probably a silly question but…”?
… not asked something because you thought “I should know this by now”?
… bitten your tongue because you didn’t want to “come across as difficult/ungrateful”?
… endured more than you had to for fear of being seen as “a damsel in distress”?
… thought, “I must be the only one struggling with this”?

Yeah, me too.

This needs to stop. If we want to help women journalists thrive, we must get comfortable asking for the support we deserve — whether it is borrowing a camera lens, getting feedback on a story or negotiating a decent kill fee.

That thing you’re thinking of right now? The one that feels like it would be “too much”?

I beg you, ask for it.

Don’t know who to ask? Try me! This column is meant to be a safe space for female journalists to share their predicaments — however major or mundane. Send your burning questions at dear.laura@womeninjournalism.org and if I can’t answer them, I’ll find you someone who can.

L

Hosted by the Coalition for Women in Journalism
Curated by Kiran Nazish