Dear Lyra,
Happy 20 month birthday!
This month you started going to a toddler gym class on Saturday mornings. The class is a mix of structured circle time — where you follow along with exercises, stretches, and songs — and free time — where you run around and play on all the equipment. You love the ball pit and spend a lot of time climbing everything. In the first few classes you didn’t like the circle time and usually ran off, but lately you’ve become really engaged in it. Outside the class most of your play is very unstructured, so I think it is probably a good change of pace. You still don’t really play with other kids, except to share (or not share) toys, but you enjoy watching them and playing alongside. Recently you’ve become a bit less extroverted. You aren’t shy but you seem weary of large groups, preferring to play on the outskirts of a group than right in the center even when the activity is something you love, like bubbles.
The most exciting thing that happened this month was a visit from your uncle Jon! He played with you quite a bit, especially with your scooter. He helped you scoot up and down our long hallway, always with your helmet, because “safety first!” You love wearing your helmet so that was a hit! One day you decided that you wanted to keep wearing it and we had a tough negotiation to get you to take it off at nap time.
To celebrate my birthday the four of us drove down to Pescadero. We visited Harley Farms where you met some goats, had a picnic, and then visited a few of the beautiful beaches along the coastal road. You waded in the ocean and dug in the sand. Jon made sand castles and you knocked them down before the tide even had a chance!
Before and after Jon’s visit, your Dad was away on a few short business trips. I was a little nervous before the first trip, but single-parenting wasn’t as hard as it used to be. When we stick to a routine — walk home from work, nurse, dinner, bath, Ada mini-walk, bedtime — it goes pretty smoothly. You don’t often go outside after dark, so taking Ada out Ada out before bed was a treat (usually Dada does that while I rock and nurse you at bedtime).
For the last few months I’ve been working on a huge deadline and this past month I feel like I have worked harder than ever before. There were nights when I worked instead of sleeping and weekends when I worked instead of spending time with you and your Dad. It felt temporary and necessary but I’m not very proud of it. I’ll be really glad when this deadline is over.
Negotiating work-life balance post-baby is not what I expected. It used to be just not staying at work too late, but now it’s remembering to leave work at work. The fact that your Dad and I work in the same field is a blessing and a curse. He has a distinct understanding of the challenges I face at work, but sometimes that makes it’s hard not to talk about work all the time. I’m sure this is something you’ll roll your eyes about in years to come.
I don’t have a lot of role models for how to have a successful career, be an involved mother and a supportive partner so I often feel like I’m navigating unfamiliar territory. It’s hard to accept how many mistakes I’m going to make along the way.
Feminism and diversity and inclusion are pretty hot topics right now. By the time I write your next letter the US might have elected our first woman president. How will that affect feminism and the role models available to you? How will things be different for you when you are an adult? What are we fighting for now that you will completely take for granted?
Love,
Mama
