Win the LUST and Temptation battle over thirst traps, baddies and porn bot timelines
Dear Nephew
So over the week there was a hullaballo on Naija twitter over a celebrity and a woman claiming to be pregnant for him.
It went viral and created conversations, rhetorics and the usual gender wars and arguments over who is responsible when it comes to avoiding undesired pregnancy.
I didn’t get into the debate but responded when i saw this tweet that i quoted.
It went viral.
When two adults have consensual sex both are responsible for the outcome.
Blame game is for children and juvenile adults who hate accountability.
Pregnancy is a biological repercussion of a man ejaculating inside a fertile woman.
Humans have known this for centuries. Yet in the 2023 people blame lack of sex education.
People learn how to fix cars, build pipe bombs from the internet.
But somehow can’t find biology classes on how pregnancy happens?
Women also endlessly complain that the focus is too much on them and not on the men.
In my response i chose to focus on what men should do to attain sexual discipline
Funny enough it got numerous snarky,snide and dismissive responses from women . My theory is they saw the first tweet hate the idea of men not looking at nude images and thirst trap they post for attention. But also want the freedom to insult and reject men they don’t consider as “in their league”
So lets dive in
Someone tweeted : This sexual discipline thing, we men have to learn it
This was my response.
1-
Sexual discipline is a losing battle when still consuming media, conversations, innuendo, nudity, dirty jokes, following ig & tiktok accounts with half naked images, seductive dances flirting, compliments
2-
A man MUST actively change what he consumes with his eyes and ears2-
While intentionally setting boundaries/guardrails
- the company he keeps
- -physical and verbal boundaries with women not his wife
- -the conversations he gets into -avoiding alone time
- -where he goes -situations he does not allow himself in
Imagine she’s the daughter of a hot headed mob boss & conduct yourself accordingly.
“Guardrails are designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas. They minimize damage by keeping us in the safety zone. But the highway isn’t the only place we need guardrails”
What are some Guardrails?
The married man who doesn’t answer the Facebook message from that crush from High School or reminisce with an ex on live messaging.
The single man doesn’t allow his attractive(or any) female friend spend the night in his house because he doesn’t want to give any room to temptation
Because “we are going to get married, anyway” or rationalize that it’s too late and dangerous to go home so i’ll spend the night.
3-
-Like John a professional athlete can’t eat, drink, sleep in & party every week like his pal, James in Accounting.
To have sexual discipline means you cant move like everyone else, listen to or watch the same things. Thats like trying to lose weight & keeping 12 pack coke, beer and weeks supply of hot-pockets and microwave pizza in the fridge.
4-
Unfollow every thirst trap IG account. This has to be intentional as the algorithm pushes them into the timeline of young men. With the rise of Only Fans, many vendors use their IG page to as we say in Naija “sell their market”
Once you see half naked images, seductive poses.
Unfollow.
Change ad settings.
Block if necessary. You dont need to explain or apologise to anyone for guarding your eyes and heart.
Ditto TikTok & Twitter.
Don’t initiate entertain innuendo or dirty talk, flirting from any woman.
Refuse to engage, shut it down when it’s directed at you.
5-
Your appetites should serve you, not you serving them. Neither food(gluttony), money(consumerism) or sex (lust) should control you. Lust has destroyed many men since the dawn of time.
6-
Vigilance over your eye and ear gates gets you about 60% of the way. Even if people accuse you of legalism, over doing it (relax and have fun) as long as its for yourself and not imposed on other.
Let them talk. “I’m an adult i can handle” avoid such scenarios. So many people got into porn addiction or lust overwhelmed them and that destroyed their marriage.
Because they fed their minds with fuels for lust.
Former Navy Seal ― Jocko Willink, author of Extreme Ownership
-“You have to BE VIGILANT. You have to be ON GUARD. You have to HOLD THE LINE on the seemingly insignificant little things — things that shouldn’t matter — but that do.”
Make a long list of WHY you should have sexual discipline: All you stand to lose if you don’t Who you will hurt/disappoint
The ability to put a WHY into words, provides the emotional context for decisions. It offers greater confidence than “it thinks it’s right”.- Simon Sinek
But Olu, But Scribe, what if i’m not disciplined.
Body no be wood. It’s not that easy. Baddies are everywhere. I cant escape it.
“If you do not believe you are disciplined, it is because you have not decided to become disciplined. Yet.” ― Jocko Willink
7
Create systems and boundaries. Don’t depend on Will Power.
Have a powerful WHY.
In The Compound Effect, author Darren Hardy writes
“Forget about willpower. It’s time for why-power. Your choices are only meaningful when you connect them to your desires and dreams…The wisest and most motivating choices are the ones aligned with that which you identify as your purpose, your core self, and your highest values. You’ve got to want something, and know why you want it, or you’ll end up giving up too easily
8-
There are:
- songs & music videos you should cut off (Lust, Nudity, Provocative dances)
- -games night you should not attend (Truth or Dare, Sex Games etc)
- Sitcoms to avoid( dirty jokes, innuendo, casual sex)
- Prime time drama (full frontal nudity, soft porn)
- Hang outs to turn down If you want to win the battle, especially if previously a slave to kongil’s clarion call.
You MUST make extreme sacrifices if you intend to win the battle over lust and temptation while navigating social media time lines and the streets
Because that is what it is BATTLE.
9-
You cant control what anybody posts on their account/page/TL, nor should you try.
What you CAN control is your feed and TL.
Intentional muting, blocking, unfollowing of anything that compromises your pursuit of discipline
Your mind’s algorithm works with what you feed it
10
- Your subconscious mind stores things that your conscious mind glosses over those things we consume and excuse with “i can handle it, i’m an adult” and over time what its repeatedly fed because the default wiring of synapses.
Like a tab running in the background playing music. You cant find the source and how to turn it off, so it stays there.
AVOID PORN - FLEE FROM IT - DON’T GIVE IT AN INCH
In a 2019 interview with Beats 1 radio, Hip Hop artist and producer, Kanye West spoke frankly on his addiction to pornography
‘For me, Playboy was my gateway into full-on pornography addiction. My dad had a Playboy left out at age five and it affected almost every choice I made for the rest of my life. ‘From age five till now, having to kick the habit and it just presents itself in the open like it’s OK and I stand up and say, “No, it’s not ok”.
11-
- Be wary of compromise “just this once” “I don try make i relax small” like with Pringles, once you pop you may not be able to stop.
Co-Author of the “Every man’s Battle” book series Steve Arterburn write
“Compromise is a killer that seems so innocent in the beginning. Yet when you compromise and do a small thing you know isn’t right, it rarely stays small or ends there. It becomes easier and easier to choose the wrong path the next time around”
12 -
Set your principles & boundaries ahead of time & stick to them
Let people say its too much
Let them call you names
Let them mock you, call you Ju-man or whatever
Let them imply you no fit chook na dem sabi
If you falter, it’s your name, reputation and livelihood on the line. If you wait to decide about principles when you get into crisis , you’ve waited too late. You have to go into the situation with a made up mind of “No trespass zones” i will not put myself in certain situations because if i do chemistry will take over — Jentezen Franklin
13-
For the married men reading here’s advice from @StrongMarriage5
14-
Native American’s have the analogy of the 2 wolves in everyone. These opposing Wolves fight for dominance, the one you feed is stronger & defeats the other you starve
Let’s say one wolf is Purity/Discipline, the other Lust/Indulgence
The one you feed the most controls you.
Which wolf are you feeding daily?
Till Next time
Your Uncle
If you like this entry in the #DearNephew series or know a young man who would benefit from them, please share and consider subscribing. Thanks
🙂 I have series of posts on celibacy and sexual purity for young men coming up themed, What Nobody Told You(WNTY)
Going beyond the DON’T and exploring the WHY and the HOW where i go into much more detail than here.
If you know a young man it would benefit forward to him to subscribe
