You need a healthy dose of Chutzpah
Here’s why sometimes you have to be “rude” and “difficult” personally & professional.
Some people are there to steal, weaken and suck you dry
How many times have you been cheated, underpaid, left money on the table or missed out on an opportunity because you didn’t want to speak up and upset someone or didn’t want to seem too pushy?
Didn’t want to be seen as a problem or trouble maker?
Dear Nephew
There’s a misguided belief that if you don’t cause trouble and stay out of people’s way, your life would be trouble free.
But that’s the opposite of reality.
Humans don’t regard what they either don’t desire, like, fear or respect.
You could be the most peaceful person in the room and you’ll either get overlooked or someone will try to take advantage of you.
Someone in that room will see you as a target for bullying or source of amusement.
Learn to be difficult when it counts. In school as in life, having a reputation for being assertive will help you receive preferential treatment without having to beg or fight for it every time. — Tim Ferris
KEY WORDS: When it counts
So this is not a default position or how to go through life in every situation.
Many people go out of their way to avoid making a scene, rocking the boat or giving pushback that makes them unlikable or be labelled difficult.
So they leave money on the table in negotiations.
They allow friends, family and lovers take advantage of their time.
SCENARIO 1
Think of it like a new fish in prison for a non-violent crime or a miscarriage of justice.
They just want to serve their time quietly and not draw any attention.
But the gangs and bull queers make it their duty to target the new fish and establish dominance
SCENARIO 2
The army brat who’s attended half a dozen schools in 4 years knows the game.
He knows how to send a message from the first week that he won’t be anyone’s target.
That involved finding the school bully, toughest guy and and taking them down as the sacrificial lamb for the rest of the school.
Now, you won’t be in prison(hopefully) and you won’t always need to settle things through violence.
But most times you’ll have to nip things in the bud early, killing the monster while it’s a hatchling before it turns into Godzilla rampaging the city.
Set a precedent that you won’t get pushed around and boundaries of what you find acceptable.
That could be as a new student, a new staff member. New in the neighbourhood/community.
A new team lead on a project.
This doesn’t have to be combative. When a boundary is cross, address it in a civil non aggressive manner.
Don’t be so worried about the person being upset that you let it slide for the sake of fake peace.
That person does not care about you if they think their way is the ONLY way. So don’t waste empathy on a vampire.
Former Special agent, polygraph examiner, and interrogator with the United States Secret Service from 2000 to 2012, Evy Poumpouras, advices
Don’t be afraid to confront people. Every now and then some need to be checked.
Learn to be assertive. State your case with confidence. Make your requests with confidence.
Say NO when necessary with confidence, courtesy and unapologetically.
Your NO does not mean antagonism or the end of the relationship. And if they expect the relationship to be only YES, then it’s best you part ways.
Dr Robert Glover of the famed “No more Mr Nice Guy” writes
“In many ways, humans aren’t much different from pets. People often behave the way they have been trained to behave.
For example, if a person gives his dog a treat when he pisses on the carpet, the dog will keep pissing on the carpet.
The same is true for humans. If the Nice Guy reinforces his partner’s undesirable behaviours, she will keep behaving in undesirable ways.”
Don’t limit this to romantic relationships.
Apply it to all relationships.
Human beings love to test, cross, erase and even shatter boundaries when they’ve been emboldened.
Don’t reinforce attitudes you don’t want to keep seeing directed at you.
While you can’t control how other humans behave.
You can control who gets access to you and get banished from your inner circle once they cross lines.
Don’t spend so much energy worrying about who is upset with you that you constantly end up with the short end of the stick.
NOTE: This only applies when you know you did not set out to be offensive and have judged the situation to see objectively you did not create offense.
Someone’s subjective offence is out of your control and living to avoid such is impossible in today’s world.
Don’t get stuck in regret committing to something because you didn’t want to upset someone by saying NO.
99.9% of humans are looking out for themselves with a What’s In It For Me philosophy to life. So don’t assume you are engaging with the 1% who put others first.
While it’s good to think of others. Putting on your own oxygen mask first is the only way you are in the position to have the energy and clarity of mind to take care of another person.
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