Your mouth is not a river, don’t run.

How to know when to speak and when to just shut the heck up —

It’s time to return to the strong and silent, sometimes.

Olu Yomi Ososanya
Dear Nephew

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Photo by Paulette Vautour on Unsplash

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! DON’T SAY ANOTHER DAMN THING

Sometimes you need to say that to yourself internally. Many things are on a ‘need to know’ basis and they don’t need to know.

Dear Nephew,

What do you do when someone talks too much?

I’m sure you’ve come across people who never stop talking and end up saying inappropriate things.

The world is full of people endlessly talking on various social media platforms, making assertions and promises .

As a man your word is your bond. Everyone should know that when you say something, you mean it and it is the utmost truth.

The people in your life must rely on you following through on what you promised or assured them that you would do.

When you make a verbal commitment it should be as airtight as a legally binding contract.

Jesus said, “Let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil” ( Matthew 5:37, KJV)

Its better to say NO, than to promise under pressure or coercion

You must be careful with your words.

You don’t speak carelessly.

Don’t make promises you have no power or intent to deliver on.

Don’t allow anyone to pressure you to make a promise or agree to anything you would later renege or back out from.

In the book, 12 Rules for Life, by Dr Jordan Peterson, rule 10 is “Be precise with your speech”.

In the controversial book, The 48 laws of power, by Robert Greene, rule 4 is “Always say less than necessary”

Talking too much leads to trouble.

Don’t make promises when happy, excited or desperate.

You are running high on the brain’s natural chemical which act similar to some recreational drugs.

Be in a neutral place of clear thinking and be weary of anyone who tries to pressure you to make a promise, especially financial commitments, with no time to think it through.

As King Solomon advised

Think before you speak, and don’t make any rash promises to God. He is in Heaven and you are on earth, so don’t say any more than you have to… So when you make a promise to God, keep it as quickly as possible… Better not to promise at all than to make a promise and not keep it. Don’t let your own words lead you into sin.’ (Ecclesiastes 5:2–6 GNT)

Before King Solomon’s time, a Judge in Israel, Jephthah made a foolish vow

Judges 11:30–31 30 And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the Lord, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, 31 Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord ‘s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering

Unfortunately, his daughter ran out in excitement when he returned from battle. He broke down in tears because he remembered his vow.

Centuries later another man would make a vow he regretted.

King Herod while drunk and euphoric promised anything up to half of his Kingdom to his daughter and on the advice of her Mother, still bitter over his criticism about their marriage, she asked for the head of John the Baptist.

Many men while horny, excited or euphoric make promises to women, marriage, gifts etc And when they don’t follow through they have resentful and vindictive women looking for revenge.

In some countries a man who doesn’t fulfil a promise of marriage is open to legal prosecution.

Your integrity is your reputation and you don’t want that tarnished by a history of not keeping your word, being unreliable and talking for the sake of talking.

Not all the people you disappoint will reveal it to you.

They’ll make a mental note and if your name comes up for an opportunity, they’ll reveal your unreliable track record as a mark against you.

Wharton professor and Author of ORIGINALS, Adam Grant wrote

“Integrity is walking the talk. Your actions live up to your words.

Authenticity is only talking what you already walk, Your words reflect your actions.

It’s good to practice what you preach. It’s better to reserve your preaching for the principles you consistently practice”

Till next time

Your Uncle

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Olu Yomi Ososanya
Dear Nephew

Writing: the #DearNephew Letters to our young men. Focusing on Dignity, Accountability, Self optimisation & improvement