My Mom Taught Me Nothing!
It’s ok, we’ll learn together
Growing up, I often found myself thinking, “My mom taught me nothing about homemaking.” But as I’ve learned over the years, that’s perfectly okay — we’re all on this journey together. Many women from my generation grew up with mothers who were so dissatisfied with their domestic roles that they vowed never to let their daughters be “under a man’s thumb.” My mother, determined to save me from her fate (so much so that I didn’t even have dolls), focused solely on education and independence. She was swept up in a new wave of feminism that critiqued women for choosing to stay at home, and in doing so, she inadvertently left me unequipped for the everyday tasks of running a household.
Beyond the basics of washing the dishes, I had no clue how to keep a home. Ironing? What’s that? I didn’t know that you should separate lights from darks (pro tip: washing everything in cold water can save you from this hassle and is actually better for your clothes). I had no idea what temperature to set my washing machine, or whether it even mattered. Watching my mother was off the table, too, as we had a maid who took care of the cleaning and laundry and when it came to cooking, I had to figure it all out on my own, relying on endless trial and error, along with sheer determination.
I owe an apology to those who had to eat my rock-hard rolls while still managing to smile and encourage me through my cooking disasters. When I first moved out on my own, I relied on a local shop to pick up my laundry, which worked out just fine, and I lived off takeout. It wasn’t until I got married and embraced my role as a stay-at-home spouse that I realized just how clueless I was about homemaking.
Like many of you, I turned to the internet as my first resource. And while it has its gems, it can also be a treasure trove of unrealistic expectations. The constant fetishization of the homemaking lifestyle has led to a landscape filled with content that often feels out of reach for the average woman. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with baking bread while sporting a full face of makeup and wearing a designer cottagecore dress, but let’s be real: most days, I’m in a scrunchie and a muumuu.
Finding relatable content has proven to be a challenge. The average Starbucks-loving, ponytail-wearing, crock-clad housewife rarely graces the covers of those glossy magazines. What I crave are practical tips and insights on how to navigate the ups and downs of life as a homemaker. From my perspective — one that is by no means definitive — I’ve managed to cobble together a few lessons over the years.
Some of us didn’t have anyone to teach us these skills, but that’s perfectly fine; we can learn from each other. Here are a few things I’ve picked up along the way:
1. Embrace Imperfection
Homemaking isn’t about being perfect; it’s about finding what works for you. My early cooking attempts were a disaster, but they taught me to embrace imperfection. When I realized that my hard rolls wouldn’t win any awards, I shifted my focus to quick, simple recipes that fit my busy lifestyle.
2. Start Small
When diving into homemaking, start with small tasks. Pick one room to declutter or a single meal to master. Once you feel comfortable with that, gradually expand your skills. It’s a process, and every little step counts.
3. Make it Fun
Add a little fun to your chores! Blast your favorite music while cleaning or turn meal prep into a cooking party with your family. Making the mundane enjoyable can transform your home into a joyful space.
4. Ask for Help
Don’t hesitate to seek advice from friends, family, or online communities. I’ve learned so much from fellow homemakers who are willing to share their tips and tricks. We’re all in this together, and there’s strength in community.
5. Learn as You Go
Just because you didn’t have someone to teach you doesn’t mean you can’t learn. Take advantage of online resources, books, or even local classes. The world is full of information, and you’re never too old to learn something new.
6. Celebrate Your Wins
Take a moment to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Did you finally get the laundry done? Treat yourself! Did you cook a meal that didn’t turn into a kitchen disaster? High-five yourself! Recognizing your progress keeps you motivated.
As I navigate this homemaking journey, I often reflect on the lessons my mother didn’t teach me, and I realize that they’ve led me to discover my own path. It’s important to remember that none of us is perfect; we’re all ever-learning. So, what useful tips have you come across on your homemaking journey? I’d love to hear from you! Let’s continue this conversation in the r/housewifery subreddit, where we can share what we’ve learned. Stay lovely, my friends.
