Sex and the Single Generation X Lady, African American Style
Many times when discussions about the dating game and the how the atmosphere sucks for African American women in their 40s come up on Twitter, Instagram, and other forms social media, marginally attractive black men slither their way into the conversation to quickly chime in with “You need to choose better or expand your circle.”
Some of these men aren’t worth two dead flies, and what is even more pathetic is that these men know they know this because these two bit these same worthless men are their friends. These same men spend their time trying to convince women that it is our fault for not choosing this fabled, instead of actually being a good man or encouraging their friends to be one. We have yet to see the creature who is allegedly in abundance but we are too choosy and like thugs to find one: The Proverbial Good Black Man.
I have an eclectic mix of black lady friends on the social media who expand from California to New York, from London to Barbados. These ladies are saying the same exact thing: it sucks to be a single black lady of any age but in particular for a woman of a certain age. There is a social stigma that makes women in their forties crones before their time, and because of the lack of quality black men in the dating world.
It is not just on the social media where black women in their forties are complaining about the availability of black men. These same conversations about finding men in their age bracket that are financially solvent, emotionally stable and ready to commit to something as simple as a movie date happen at dinner, lunch, brunch, wine nights, you name it. I have friends that I have known for years who are single and fed up with the games and the utter lack of accountability causing them to have surrounded their hearts with a wall of stone.
Two years ago in August, I relieved myself of a long term relationship that was going nowhere because quite frankly he irritated my soul and made my ass itch. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with him, let alone another month. I walked away with zero regrets. But like always, people do not like the idea of a black woman being single and free because a free woman is a dangerous bitch. So my best friend and my daughter suggested that I try online dating and see what happens.
I am very open-minded so I conducted some research and decided that OkCupid would be the best online dating service for me because for the most part, it’s free and I was not about to spend money that could be spent elsewhere on internet dating services. Shit, I have a child and makeup habit to support. And Lawd have mercy on my soul why I do that because I have met some characters on that bitch.
For starters, let’s discuss horny white men who sexually fetishize black women like an old ass Grandpappy. Looked like a walking skeleton with hair. Old as Methuselah. Old as mummy dirt talking about how he likes “the sisters.” If you don’t go sit your old ass down somewhere Pop Granddaddy.
Moving on to the cute ass white fella around my age who actually could hitch a word or two together. He wrote a magnificent paragraph about my beauty, charm, blah, blah, blah but when we actually talked on the phone, told me I asked too many questions. I guess he thought I was going to be discussing how black women suck dick better than white women. It seems like I wasn’t supposed to question a strange man I met online about his life.
Lastly, the brothers…oh my goodness. Those horn dogs. Constantly sending sexually explicit pictures and messages, trying to come over my house for a meal without offering to spend a dime on groceries. Never suggesting so much as a date to a coffee shop because they are some cheap bastards. Always trying to get some coochie and come up on a meal at the same time. Some basic motherfuckers.
Eventually through all this garbage, I met two cuties. The ended up not being shit either with their skewed expectations of me to chasing behind them. In this new world of dating, Black men consider themselves the prize and the women are supposed lace up our shoes and run after them whether these men are blind, crippled, crazy and look like an old sock; they have dicks and women are automatically supposed to drop to their knees and worship the mic, literally and figuratively.
These two men in particular never wanted to communicate with me via the phone except for texting and that shit irritated me. I am a relic from a forgotten era: a time in which men asked for your phone number, called you and you talked for hours. Mentally stimulating conversations about life, music politics and all kinds of deliciousness were a normal thing. Not today. These men didn’t want to talk to me on the phone; they just want to text and these fuckers couldn’t t even text properly. Misspelled words, sentence fragments and quick to ask for a nude picture, all kinds of foolishness from complete strangers.
After all of this, I have taken myself out of the dating game for now because at 46, I do not have time for this bullshit. I will not be chasing complete strangers. I will not be deciphering text messages from grown ass men who should know how to spell. I will not be allowing strange men into my home around my 15-year old daughter because they are too cheap to take a woman on a date. According to some black men and their band of thirsty Pick Me heifers, I just need to choose better or switch up my circle but as we see I am not where the problem is. To quote a beautiful sister from Facebook name Phoenix Renee,
“BM over 40 are tired, emotionally bankrupt, and relationship illiterate and lazy. They’re right where we left them 20 years ago. Only now time (and in some cases, drugs/alcohol) is catching up. Too many didn’t do their “work” for decades and now we’re not settling. So now the cry is “no good women”?”
Yeah right motherfuckers. How can single Generation X black women who want love and companionship form normal, functioning loving relationships with a group of emotionally stunted men who are intent on living a second adolescence? Men who refuse to be held accountable for anything? Who blame black women for everything? Naw bruhs it ain’t happening. So stop pushing this tired ass narrative about choosing better and admit that a large portion of your brethren ain’t shit.
