Oh most favorable of God’s children, Tim,
Do I ever have a tale for thee! On a chance Good Friday, I accompanied my family to church. On such a car-ride, one simply cannot help but imagine the erotic imagery of the passion of the Christ–that which I myself often violently masturbate to. As the sermon kicked off, and the pastor began to describe the lashings, I could not sit still. With every sacred word, my groin pulsed and swelled; it was as if the Holy Spirit Itself had possessed my penis. Like the eyes of Lot’s wife, my gaze went back and forth from the crown of thorns to the prop stakes at the foot of the cross. I could no longer contain my lust! I lept out of my pew and tore off all my clothes, then ran up to the altar and crowned myself. The thorns dug deep into my scalp and blood trickled into my eyes. I then went over the cross and drove a stake deep into my urethra. Blood anointed my torso. Never have I felt more Christlike! God, impressed with my display, transported my soul to heaven.
When it came time to receive the sacrament, the congregation drank my blood and consumed my actual flesh.
Artwork contributed by basper01
Originally published at deartimtheblog.tumblr.com.
