Stop Telling Women That They Look Young For Their Age

This is a well-intentioned complement gone wrong. It’s also one I’ve frequently offered until, as a 41-year old woman, I started hearing it more often.

If it’s true, why isn’t it ok to say? Well, it’s a case of damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.

We have to shift the narrative around what it means to age. This particular story tells us young women look good and older women… generally don’t. It perpetuates a belief that at a certain age, we should look haggard and unkempt in our physical appearance because we’re basically washed up.

It also tells us that if we do gracefully wrinkle, gain weight, or proudly luxuriate in a crown of grey hair, we are unattractive and should flock to the beauty section for products that help us become old properly. You know, like anti-aging serum and root-touch up dye. These and every other product like them teach us that aging is somehow wrong and we should do everything in our power to stop any signs of time passing. Immediately. Before it’s too late.

This is the conundrum we experience as GenX and GenX(ish) women; we’ve been fed the message, “Why bother…no one cares about what we look like”. But at the same time; if we accept aging gracefully, there’s something wrong with us since we can “fix this situation” and we’re not. What’s a 40-something woman to do?

Answer: WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS TO.

I’m a serial try-er of all the things: I’ve had Botox. And I loved the results (which no one else even noticed, btw.) I felt like I looked tired, especially during the winter months, and Botox made me look refreshed.

I’ve also tried that vacuum-like thing at the aesthetician’s office that smoothes out cellulite. Though not mind blowing, it was noticeable to me and I liked the results. I’ve covered my grey hair with highlights AND lowlights, had lash extensions & will take tweezers to any hair that (out of nowhere) sprouts full length within seconds from random body parts.

Let me be very clear, the choice we make as women is not in question. The expectation we have for women is.

Should we want to truly change the shitty narrative that comes with being a woman of a certain age (and by “certain age” I mean any woman over the age of 30) then we need to shift our own beliefs around aging.

We can start by paying compliments to women of all ages that don’t place the focus on their age or looks, but instead on the quality of who we actually are [brilliant, stylish, charismatic, funny, joyful, courageous, happy etc.] Boom.