The Story of YOU: Meet Our Members: Betsaida

Member Spotlight: I’m the oldest of 4 and grew up in a very religious household attending church 4 days a week. I left the church when I was 18. But in hindsight, I realized that as a kid I thought my intuition was God. And because of that; I learned to trust myself.

Name: Betsaida

Age: 38

Lives In: California

Who are you?

I’m a wife, a sister, a friend, an artist, an improv performer, an emotional intelligence coach, a workshop facilitator. One thing that I think stands out about me is that I’m a grown ass woman who is still in touch with her inner child. Play and curiosity are a big part of who I am.

Are you an early bird or a night owl? In what ways?

I am definitely not an early bird. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m a night owl either. Thankfully there is coffee to help me pretend to be an early bird or night owl. The time of day that I have the most inspiration is between 3pm and 8pm… which makes dinner complicated some days.

Tell us about your work life.

I started my company ImprovEQ in 2019, a consultancy specializing in transformative approaches to people management and team communication. Using applied improvisation and emotional intelligence strategies, I help companies create inclusive, collaborative, and effective teams.

What’s been the most valuable skill that you’ve developed?

In therapy I’ve honed my self-reflection skills. I journal and use art/performance as a creative outlet for my thoughts/feelings. Also, improv is a huge skill and a big part of my identity. I believe that improv skills are life skills, improv has helped me in so many ways. I credit improv with teaching me how to be more fearless, jump in and go with the flow.

What has been the biggest *aha* moment you’ve had while being a part of the DGAW® community?

…that grown ass womanhood looks different for everyone. It’s been really lovely to meet women from all over. It’s been easy to connect with members, even though it may seem that we don’t have anything in common aside from being women 35+. I’ve been delighted to show up in the DGAW space and not feel the need to caretake for anyone. Without thinking about it, I often take the emotional caretaker role in many spaces and it’s been lovely not to do that here. I am able to show up as I am and connect with other women. And even though we’re all different there is this expectation that our collective goal is connection, which is great!

Tell us about how you grew up?

I’m the oldest of 4 and grew up Pentecostal, in a very religious household. We attended church four nights a week, I wore only skirts and kept my hair long. (I still do but now it’s by choice.)

I was a self-righteous and strong-willed child. I held deep intuition & beliefs even before I had the language to communicate them. At the age of 6, I recall telling my father I would pray for him and physically trying to clasp his hands into the prayer position while doing so. At 9 years old, without any urging from anyone, I’d take my bible with me to school and pray to save all of my friends that were non-believers. I felt RESPONSIBLE for saving them. The church gave me the parameters of right and wrong which made me feel safe and I leaned deeply into that as a child. Because, in my mind, I knew the righteous way, I really did feel a deep sense of responsibility for the decisions of others. I left the church after publicly disagreeing with the pastor when I was 17 or 18 years old.

Is your family still devout?

Mostly, no. 3 out of 4 of us have since left the church. One of my sisters and her family are still very much devout and though we believe differently, we have a very good relationship. As adults, we don’t feel a need to prove ourselves right and we simply avoid topics that would cause a deep rift. We know one another’s beliefs because we grew up in the same household and so we respect them even if we disagree. Our differences are not a reason we can’t still love and support each other.

What impact has your religion as a younger person had on the woman you are today?

I’ve learned to be more curious and less judgmental because of how I grew up. Today as an adult, I live very comfortably in the gray. Sometimes my husband will ask in jest, “do you stand for anything?” And the truth is that I do. But I also understand that answers are not always black and white. The church was rigid in it’s beliefs and many of those beliefs were harmful which was why I left. But I also recognize the beautiful parts of who I am because of my relationship to the church and religion. My mom created a religious puppet troupe with the 4 of her kids as the writers & stars of it. It allowed us to be creative; I would write the scripts and my siblings and I would all act them out. My mom would make these ridiculous puppets and we’d travel around to other churches and perform. It was great. My mom has since passed away and our puppet troupe is such a beautiful memory that I have of us as a family. I also think it also impacted why PLAY is such an important part of my work as an adult. I value the growth that can come out of playing.

I eventually realized that as a kid, I thought my intuition was God. And because of that, I learned to trust myself. I’ve since come to know that what I thought was God… was my actually own intuition.

What book has impacted you most in your life?

Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s 100 Years of Solitude was one of the first books I actually remember finishing. I was never a great finisher of books, but this book was different. I loved it! As a kid I was such a daydreamer, I think I still am, and I identified with magical realism because it mirrored how I thought about the world.

Another book was The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, which I read when I was a young teenager still heavily embedded in the church. It tells the stories of the bible from the perspective of women and knowing those stories from the perspectives of men, which is traditionally taught to us, made me question everything I thought I knew. It is one of my earliest memories of questioning the church even though I didn’t understand it at that time.

Anything else you’d like to share or like us to know?

I got married in August 2019. My husband Tim encouraged me to start my own business as soon as we got married. We’re happily child free. I have two nephews and two nieces that I adore and call my “rental kids.” One of my nephews reminds me of myself as a child and I often debate with him in the same way one of my grade school teachers debated with me, in an effort to get him to learn to think for himself. It’s fascinating seeing myself in him through the lens of an adult. Life really has come full circle in so many ways.

Thank you, Betsaida, for sharing your story with Dear Grown Ass Women™ and letting us get to know you.

To learn more and join our incredible global community of women 35+ in our Dear Grown Ass Women™, head over to our site. We look forward to meeting you on the inside!