The Story of YOU: Meet Our Members: Dana

Member Spotlight: “I’m worthy, as I am, right now. I deserve my own love simply because I exist.”

*Please note this interview was conducted before COVID-19

Name: Dana McCombs

Location: North Pole, Alaska

Age: 39

What was a defining moment in your life?

Having my kids so young. I grew up pretty quickly, and have continued to grow with my children.

What was it like having a child at such a young age?

At the time, it was just my life. We were young, but we loved each other and we loved our daughter, we had a lot of support from our family. I have no regrets, my life is really good. My kids are bright, caring, funny, beautiful young women. I also have a really great husband, we’ve been together since I was 15, and there was never any doubt that we were meant to be together. We were together for almost two years before I got pregnant. Our families were really supportive, so that helped. Because of their support, I was able to go to school and graduate on time with a 3.8 GPA. I think that was the difference for us; I wasn’t a single young mom who didn’t have a support system or parents that didn’t care. It’s not what I would choose for my daughters (because life becomes a lot harder) but it’s my story. I am thankful for all the support we got from our families, it made such a difference.

I used to have a lot of shame about it. When I was young, I used to worry about how I would respond once she began having questions about when I had her. When my first daughter was 13 or 14, I started to be at peace with my story, I was finally able to let go of judging myself. This, in turn, helped us be more open in conversations with my children when they started to ask questions about it. We have great open conversations. They know they can ask me anything about my life, and I will be as honest as possible. We did have conversations about how she was a surprise but always wanted and loved. Also, being honest about how having a child so young is not easy; no matter what age you are, kids take time, dedication, and sometimes sacrifices. Now, as an adult, I think she understands. She’s said, “Mom, I can’t believe when you were my age, you had two kids already. I can barely take care of myself.”

What has changed for you now that some of your children are basically adults with one child still at home?

MY oldest is 21, then my next is 18. My youngest is 12 and is a special needs child. Developmentally, she is more like a three or four-year-old. Even though it feels like I should be in that “home-free” space with those ages, our life looks different than most. Our youngest is non-verbal and needs around the clock care. Even though life looks different than we had imagined, we see her as an adventure partner; we’ll always have a buddy with us who gets to enjoy life with mom and dad.

What is challenging about having such a unique and beautiful family?

Our youngest daughter is adopted, not something I usually share with people. She was a “typical” baby and toddler, then around age 3 things started to shift drastically. As a family, we have learned a lot more about patience, acceptance, and working together. I have learned way more than I thought I would ever would about specialists, different diagnoses, testing, IEP’s, medications, therapists, adaptive equipment, etc. But I have also learned how much love and joy someone who can’t communicate conventionally can share with everyone around her. That her smile can light up a room, her giggle is infectious, her sisters are her biggest fans and protectors.

What is it like raising girls that will one day become grown-ass women?

They’re a lot like me: stubborn, and independent. I have worked hard to teach them they have a voice and to use it. I’ve instilled in them to not be scared of their opinion and to stand up for themselves (or for other people) and to lead with compassion and empathy. And love, for themselves and others.

Do you find it hard to live by the advice that you give to your children?

Not usually because I feel like I am a pretty authentic person. I live by those same things: standing up for myself, having an opinion, having compassion and empathy, so I don’t think so. How I live isn’t different from how I parent.

What’s been your greatest challenge at the moment lately?

I don’t want to make this all about my kids, so I’m not sure. I have to say life is really good right now. I recently completed a ten-week mindset course with a coach. It was seriously life-changing. I feel like a different person — learning about myself, how I view things, worthiness, and self-love, etc. I feel life is really great right now: my kids are all in a good place, my husband’s job is good, I have great friends. In all honesty, things are really good.

What changes have you noticed in yourself since taking a 10-week mindset course?

Before I would say I was self-conscious and self-judging. I would put myself last all the time; I was never a priority. I was also never in the present moment. After completing the course, I realize I’m worthy, as I am, right now. Period; I’m enough. I deserve my own love simply because I exist. I am also getting better at recognizing and fulfilling my own needs. I am also learning how to process my emotions.

What’s your personal motto or phrase?

I do what I want. I’m the boss of me. My mom was really independent, so I’ve always kind of been that way. I’ve never asked for permission to do what I want and that’s definitely gotten more solidified as I’ve gotten older.

What would you want to learn from a community of your peers?

It’s interesting to listen to how others are working on their careers, adventures, dreams, and relationships. I would say hearing different viewpoints and perspectives of people is something that I am really open to. I didn’t go to college and I don’t have a technical “grown-up job”. That is one of my favorite things about this community, it isn’t based on your achievements in a career or life, it’s just about coming together as women and connecting.

What have you gained by allowing yourself to feel your feelings?

I’ve learned that I can face hard truths. I can ask hard questions and I no have the ability to not only answer them but to not be scared of them. If I give them space inside of me, I can process them and move with them however I need to. I am more present in everyday moments.

You’ve been married for a long time, what has made your relationship special and work well?

I have someone who really loves me, at my best and my worst. I got a good one, I really did. He’s patient, caring, kind, and understanding. He is an amazing dad to our daughters.

I grew up with my husband. They say you either grow apart or you grow closer, and I definitely feel like we have grown closer.

He is the beach to my waves, he’s always that calm and steady. Even if my waves can be big, he’s always just that steady place for me that can bring me right back down. Communication, forgiveness, humor, patience, commitment to each other, and our marriage are big factors for us. We choose to love each other, every day.

If you could live anywhere else other than Alaska, where would you live?

Somewhere with better medical care for my youngest daughter, which is something we’ll have to figure out sooner, rather than later. I’d prefer to still live in a small town, with access to better medical care, like an hour away. Somewhere near mountains and water, ideally. When I was younger, I used to say someplace I could wear flip flops all the time, but in the past few years, I made peace with the winter. I would like to live somewhere where there are four seasons because I enjoy the seasons changing. I don’t have a specific place in mind yet, because I love where we live so much. Someplace with better medical care for my youngest would be the top priority.

What’s your favorite book?

I don’t know, favorite book. It seems like whatever I’m reading is sometimes my favorite book. I did read all the Harry Potter books in 2019. It was one of my “40 by 40” things I checked off my list. And then I went to Harry Potter World, so that was pretty cool. I also liked The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series. I guess I would say I prefer a series because you get to know characters better.

Do you have a goal for this year?

I’m working on healing my body. I have hormone issues, so I’ve been working on that for a while. Also, more adventures and continuing to work on loving myself.

How do you define a darn good day?

A day spent with people I love making memories. I would say being outside hiking, kayaking, fishing, or boating. Those are all summer activities, so it’d be a summer day making memories, taking pictures, and eating good food.

Thank you, Dana, for sharing your story with Dear Grown Ass Women™ and letting us get to know you.

To learn more and join our incredible global community of women over the age of 35 in our Dear Grown Ass Women™, head over to our site. We look forward to meeting you on the inside!