The Story of YOU: Meet Our Members: Darshana
Member Spotlight: Self care is not selfish. The principle of “secure your own oxygen mask first” is not synonymous with radical independence.
Name: Darshana Avila
Age: 40
Lives In: Occupied Ohlone Land aka Oakland, CA
Who are you? Answer that in any way that feels appropriate to you.
I am a child of the earth and stars, daughter of a lineage full of complexity and beauty alike, lover of the moon, dancing barefoot, bathing in wild waters and being in deep intimacy with my beloveds, human and more than human. I’m also a creatrix, a sensualist, a deep space holder, a big feeling feeler and a fiercely passionate woman who has so much love to share.
What time do you wake up?
Oh hormones! This is very varied these days depending on where I am in my cycle. 2am? 3:30am? 5–7:30am? Really just depends on the day and sometimes it’s more than one of these on the same day.
Tell us about your work life.
I’ve had the tremendous joy and privilege of creating a work life that reflects and shares so much of what I’m most passionate about while serving others. I’m an Erotic Wholeness Coach and I guide women and couples in their journeys through the realms of sex, intimacy and relationships. My approach is trauma informed, justice oriented and nature based, which is a unique and powerful combination that supports my clients in cultivating deep intimacy with themselves and bringing more pleasure, ease and passion into their lives. And part of this work is also being an entrepreneur, learning the ins and outs of running my own business well. There’s been so much growth for me in both facets of my professional life, that of coach and that of boss lady. It’s one wild, wondrous ride!
What is your greatest challenge right now? What is the most important thing to you in your life, outside of work or professional pursuits?
I’m leaning into my relationship to anger and how it has and has not worked for me in life. This isn’t necessarily new but it’s up in a new way that feels really exciting and generative. In some instances, I use anger as a protective strategy, and that blocks me from sharing the vulnerability of my needs, wants and fears with people I’d want to be close to and received by. In others, it’s an incredible catalyst and extension of my fierce orientation towards justice. I’m seeking balance and sense of control in relationship to anger as I know this will be a gift to me and my relationships. Since I’m a big believer that our individual liberation is essential service to our collective liberation, I’d say this is the most important thing to me in my life outside of work, even though it’s also so much a part of my professional ethos too.
What has been the biggest *aha* moment you’ve had while being a part of the DGAW® community?
It’s an appreciation for the sincere, genuine, all around warm welcoming awesomeness I’ve experienced when I’ve had chances to interact in real time with other members. There’s a true sense and spirit of community here, not just the notion of one. It touches my heart! I really appreciate that there are shared opportunities for contributing, collaborating and leading. It creates a feeling of inclusivity and safety for me as someone who feels more relaxed in a new space when I have a role to play versus trying to find out where I fit in. The fact that I’ve been able to offer things, and not just receive, has actually let me feel more connected to the community on the whole, though practicing the art of receiving is something I am always up to.
Name one life regret and tell us why.
I genuinely don’t feel regret when I reflect on the life I’ve lived. I feel longing for certain “things” that I haven’t done, like having a family of my own, but I can’t actually say I regret this not happening. I was married in my 20s and if my wasband (sounds better than ex-husband, right?!?) and I had kids together, it would’ve changed my trajectory in life. I am glad that didn’t happen even while I acknowledge the parts of me that yearn to be in a committed partnership and raising a child (or children) together in a wider circle of community. I suppose I do regret moments when I’ve been unkind and caused harm with my words or deeds. I lean into the motto of “when you know better, you do better” and strive for self compassion, yet it’s shitty to know I’ve hurt people I love in certain moments even if I can understand why I was acting as I was.
If you could share only one life lesson, what would it be?
Self care is not selfish! The principle of “secure your own oxygen mask first” is not synonymous with radical independence. Rather, it’s an essential component of radical INTERdependence, which is one of my highest ideals and something I believe our dominant culture would desperately benefit from. When we know that we can advocate and care for ourselves in the ways we need, in addition to receiving the advocacy and care of those around us, we end up so much more available to our relationships, often in really beautiful and meaningful ways.
Favorite Instagram account and why?
Oh my gosh! Just one?!? I am such a fangirl of so many. @shityoushouldcareabout comes to mind because of the wide range of topics that are shared and how there’s a quality of irreverence woven in alongside some of the most pressing social issues of our times. And I love @adriennemareebrown so damn much on so many levels, so shouting her out too. This list could go on for a while. . .
Thank you, Darshana, for sharing your story with Dear Grown Ass Women™ and letting us get to know you.
To learn more and join our incredible global community of women 35+ in our Dear Grown Ass Women™, head over to our site. We look forward to meeting you on the inside!
