The Story of YOU: Meet Our Members: Erica
Member Spotlight: “I want to learn our stories. I’m drawn to how people navigate life and difficult times as well as what gets them to succeed.”
Name: Erika Bocoian
Age: 43
Lives: Madison, New Jersey (USA)
Works in Geographic Information Systems studying the interconnectedness of the world
Also: A self-proclaimed nerd, intelligent woman & serious badass (We agree!)
Who are you? Answer that in any way that feels appropriate to you.
I’m a 43 year old femme, doing the best I can for me, my kids, and the collective. I’m a lot of titles including being a mom; but “mom” is not at the top of my list in terms of how I identify. I’m also innately curious. I’m an activist, a mentor as well as a student and a Pisces through and through. I’m equal parts science and woowoo. I was born in Romania (Transylvania), raised in Israel and currently live in New Jersey, USA. I’m a child with no roots figuring out where [and what] home is. Because of my own upbringing, I have a complicated relationship with “home”; I find it within me and not in the outside world. Home isn’t limited to a physical place, in my experience.
When do you first remember feeling like/owning/identify as a grown ass woman?
Though it wasn’t one instance that caused me to identify with being a grown ass woman; I do recall that when I was 40 years old; I felt incredibly alone. I found myself in toxic professional and personal relationships. My trauma was compounded from my past and present and I’d spent my life continually powering through & getting it all done. And in that moment, I knew that I could no longer continue that way; I had the deep realization that no one else was coming to save me. I had to save myself. This allowed me to understand that while my trauma wasn’t my fault, my healing was my own responsibility. And so was my joy.
What has been the impact of owning the fact you are a grown ass woman?
I take myself [both] much more seriously AND a lot less seriously; often simultaneously. This means that I’m not joking when it comes to boundaries, self-care, or how anyone speaks to me (including myself). But at the same time, I’m having a lot more fun just being unapologetically me.
What has been the biggest *aha* moment you’ve had being a part of the DGAW™ community?
For me, it’s been a lot of little moments. I absolutely love our gestures, shares, humor, and all the tiny moments of support. The Dear Grown Ass Women community is magical and authentic.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Perfect happiness to me is that feeling right after accomplishing something, just as I’m mindfully about to relax, and celebrate. It’s that moment of exhale. Life is hectic in different ways for many of us so that “exhale moment” might even be tackling a pile of laundry and then soaking in an Epsom salt bath or eating the “good” chocolate alone while away from the kids.
What is your favorite journey?
The journey back home after a magnificent trip is my absolute favorite. I remember going to San Diego for a talk and on the plane ride back home; there was a mix of exhaustion, elation and the calm that comes after an incredible experience. It was equally “damn, that was GREAT!” and “Whew, glad that’s done.” I’m very empathetic and feel deeply so it takes me some time to ground and process. I’m present in the moment in a very different way than when I’ve given myself the time to sit with my experience. And when I do, THAT really is the best journey.
What do you most value in your friends?
Authenticity, integrity, compassion, and spunk.
Who are your heroes in real life?
Michelle Obama for her partnering, parenting, and being a class act, always. Brene Brown for articulating the human condition so well. Professionally, it’s Jack Dangermond, the founder of the company I work for, Esri. He is a billionaire tech founder that shaped so much of what we do every day but you don’t know his name because, as he advises, his aim is to “be more interested than interesting”. And also, young people. I have so much hope because of how magnificent these next generations are.
What do you want to learn from a community of your peers?
I want to learn our stories. I’m drawn to how people navigate life and difficult times as well as what gets them to succeed. I think sharing stories is healing, particularly among women.There’s always a thread of interconnectedness when we share who we are with each other; it creates a deep sense of celebration & belonging that we don’t often feel when we’re alone. (My professional work is based on mapping and interconnectedness and that also seems to carry through my own life in so many ways, including my love of story.) I learn by osmosis and I love to cheer and show support within the community and I’m a huge believer in the power of collective healing when people feel that they belong.
If you could share only one life lesson, what would it be?
Trust yourself.
Anything else you’d like to share or like us to know?
None of us know what we’re actually doing but instead, we’re all hacking it the best we can. Prove me otherwise ;)
Thank you, Erica, for sharing your story with Dear Grown Ass Women™ and letting us get to know you.
To learn more and join our incredible global community of women over the age of 35 in our Dear Grown Ass Women™, head over to our site. We look forward to meeting you on the inside!
