The Story of YOU: Meet Our Members: Quiana

Member Spotlight: “I feel like my purpose is to champion other women. I have always felt that, even as a teenager.”

*Please note this interview was conducted before COVID-19

Name: Quiana Agbai

Location: Boston, MA

Age: 39

How did you get into activism and volunteering?

I had my daughter in 2010 in New York. Then my husband’s job took us to New Hampshire, and I had my son in the fall of 2014. What was interesting about that timing is we were gearing up for the next election. Having a front-row in Portsmouth, New Hampshire flipped a switch and activated me to see politics in my backyard. That was also when I had to shelter in place due to an active shooter situation; that really opened my eyes. Proximity often breeds empathy.

We moved to Boston in 2016 before the election. I was looking for ways to jump back in and re-engage in Boston. I got linked up with Moms Demand Action in 2017 and became the Boston community outreach lead. I really felt the pull to serve the community and I think being in Boston has a lot of civic opportunities to do that.

There was a wonderful networking opportunity for me to jump right in with the alumnae of Wellesley College and I became the Vice President of the Boston alumnae chapter. It feeds into a lot of the work I do on my social media platform with anti-gun violence work. I’m also really active in my kids’ school.

It’s important to me to engage in different communities and not get pegged as “the woman that only talks about social justice and racism”. The opportunities I’ve been afforded run the gamut of career, social justice, parenting, etc. It’s been really great to show up in a lot of different ways over the past few years — all places I feel pulled to — but yet, it’s all very cohesive.

What advice do you have for women looking to get into activism and politics?

I think it’s really important to find an organization that doesn’t demand so much of you that you get lost. Look for an organization or a movement that respects the other places you have to show up in your life. Moving to Boston blew open so many opportunities to be involved — I was like a kid in a candy store signing up for all the things. Looking back, I would have asked clarifying questions, sat in on meetings, and observed how they talk to each other and run their meetings. I think it’s important to see how their communication happens. Observe, have a trial period before committing. Don’t let people pressure you and protecting your emotional wellbeing. I think for what whatever cause, it’s very easy to get so pulled down into the emotional piece of it in a way you’re not always protecting your mental health. It sounds very corporate but make sure they have key performance indicators or ways to share successes and wins. I think showcasing and communicating achievements can also help protect your mental health.

What are some specific ways you support women-owned businesses?

My sisters and I have seen smaller clients get pushed under the rug by big agencies. There’s a need for someone to bring the perspective of big agencies and scale it down, making it accessible for small businesses. We make ourselves flexible to their specific needs, for example, mothers who might be moonlighting and need us to have flexible schedules and budgets. We also understand a mom might say, “Hey, I have my baby in the background”. It’s like, “that’s fine, my son is standing naked outside of the French glass doors to my office, it’s all good”.

I also found a way to conduct a mini weekend retreat for women in my community. It started out as a Galentine’s day weekend retreat for some of my friends but helping women connect and create larger networks has become a big aspect of it. We own a home near the Cape, so we used that as the space. I hired a body-positive yoga instructor from my community to conduct a class and my friend who has a side hustle as a florist and had her do the arrangements. Hopefully every season we will do another one and I can bring in other members of the community to share some love between their businesses. There’s a cohort of women who really want to be able to get away to do something accessible and affordable. Not only do these mini-retreats meet that need, but they also help women connect and network all while championing women-owned local businesses.

How do you create and maintain space in your very busy schedule?

I struggle with being overcommitted. I have a word for the year: release. Last year my word was “eliminate” which is aggressive; release feels gentle and peaceful. I’ve had a couple of impactful volunteer roles for the past three years and I am ready to release those roles. I don’t have to do all the things. Releasing a couple of volunteer positions will allow space to take on more clients for my business. I keep coming back to the word release and let it guide me. It’s really about focusing on the quality of my life and work, versus the number of things that fill my time.

When do you first remember feeling like a grown ass woman?

There was a point in my career where I couldn’t afford to live the life I wanted. Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to live in New York. I thought if I go to New York, I will have to have four roommates and won’t be able to afford anything. But I remember having a moment where I was like, let me ask for what I want. The woman in charge of hiring asked me “what do you need to live here”. I wrote down my number and they came in above that number. There was a freedom that followed after that moment: living on my own, having my own space (for the first time) and living in New York. That was my grown ass boss woman moment. At the time, my now-husband was hemming and hawing about getting engaged. I said, “I don’t know what you’re gonna do, but I’m going to New York, with my amazing salary and my own brand-new apartment that has a view of the Empire State Building”. We obviously got married, but I remember that moment in my life.

How do you practice self-care?

I have discoid lupus and hypothyroidism that manifested after having my son. I try to operate under the theme of grace and empathy. I make sure I afford that to others. When people offer it to me, I acknowledge and thank them because I do get rundown.

My husband has known me since we were 18 and I’ll be 40 in September. I think there’s something to be said for having known someone as a life partner all the way through adulthood. I think there’s something to be said for having that life partner as support. He grounds me in a lot of ways. He is a former professional athlete, so he writes my workout programs. I am not always as consistent as I want, but I do my best to work out regularly.

I try to be intentional about what I am putting in my body. I’m not a person who diets, but I try to be intentional about not mindlessly snacking and having a well-rounded diet. I also go to therapy. Last spring, I started up with therapy. I had been searching for a therapist for a year and I was trying to go with one with my insurance, but she wasn’t culturally competent. I ended up finding a therapist that was better aligned through Therapy for Black Girls. It’s expensive but it’s worth it. Effectiveness was more important to me than affordability, so I see her once a month. It’s amazing and helpful.

What is your purpose?

I feel like my purpose is to champion other women. I have always felt that, even as a teenager. For example, Wendy’s International is based in Ohio and they had this contest every year for someone to be “Wendy” and make appearances in the community.

I don’t even know how I found out about it (I must have been like 13 or 12 years old) and I remember thinking why can’t Wendy be a black girl? I decided to try, and it became a big deal; I made the front page of the business section of my local newspaper. I wasn’t picked, but it was important for me to make that statement and be an example for my peers. Back then, there was no such thing as black girl magic. My sisters and I work together, and we love to champion women-owned businesses.

How would you describe yourself in three words?

Critical (for better or for worse), tenacious, and quick-witted.

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What is your favorite book?

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. That book really changed how I engage. It helped me realize this is how I should be operating and has stuck with me ever since. Especially because a lot of what I do is connecting and relationship building which feeds so much of what I do.

Which do you prefer, TV or Movies?

Neither, I’m probably on Instagram more.

What Instagram accounts should people follow?

No White Saviors (@nowhitesaviors), Rachel Cargle (@rachel.cargle), Daquan (@daquan) because you have to laugh.

What is the most valuable skill you have developed so far?

Public speaking. I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do if I hadn’t gained those skills.

If you got to live in a movie for a day, which movie would you live in?

It would probably be Black Panther because Wakanda looks so dope.

Early bird or Night Owl?

I go to bed at midnight so I guess that makes me a night owl. I’m awake between six and seven. My husband sometimes gets nine hours of sleep and I’m like, “how do you even sleep that long”? In my mind, I stay up late so I can watch something like Marvelous Ms. Maisel, but I can’t. I start sitting and then I think the laundry needs to be done and the dishes, catching up on emails, etc.

Name five things that bring you joy:

Instagram because it’s mindless. My kids, they are hilarious. My husband, after all these years, I still have a crush on him. Cooking and travel are the last two.

Life lesson:

I’m learning more and more that each day is a gift. I have a lot of friends who are losing their parents or grandparents and experiencing a lot of tragedy. My last living grandparent turns 83 this summer. Looking at her I think, what a gift to have made it to 83. I think realizing that time is a gift; each day is a gift. Approaching 40, I’m really appreciative of simple things like time, health, and family. I think it’s just becoming clearer and clearer the older I get I’m not a materialistic person and the intangibles mean the most to me.

Thank you, Tracey, for sharing your story with Dear Grown Ass Women™ and letting us get to know you.

To learn more and join our incredible global community of women over the age of 35 in our Dear Grown Ass Women™, head over to our site. We look forward to meeting you on the inside!