Death, Sex, Money, and Pride
This month, people across the globe and across the spectrum of sexuality and gender expression have been celebrating the LGBTQ experience. According to the Library of Congress, June is recognized as LGBT Pride Month in homage to the Stonewall Inn riots that began on June 28, 1969 in New York City. We hold our annual Pride parade on the last Sunday in June because of it. The Stonewall uprising against the police’s repeated harassment of gay gathering places ignited an expansion of the LGBT civil rights movement.
Fast-forward to the present. In 2015, same-sex marriage was legalized in the U.S. In 2016, the Stonewall Inn was declared a national monument. But it’s still hard to be queer in America. The people at the center of these Death, Sex & Money episodes told host Anna Sale that being gay in the U.S. can be confusing, scary, and liberating. Sometimes, all at once.
Click on the quotes below to listen.
Margaret Cho’s Sex Education
As the daughter of Korean immigrants in San Francisco, comedian Margaret Cho always felt different from her peers. Then, at nine or ten years old, Cho realized she was queer. While she may not have found community with other kids, she became a part of a community of gay white men that frequented her father’s bookstore. This was before AIDS, says Cho, “a time where really, gay men had a hold on the world that was really magical and they could do whatever they wanted and it was really an amazing thing to witness.” Her dad’s shop was filled with queer art, photography and literature. And, Cho says, conversations about sex. She says her father encouraged his patrons to tell her everything they knew, but she wasn’t learning much about women and sex. As she got older, Cho says she learned more about sex through experience, though not every experience was welcome.
Tituss Burgess Airs His Laundry
The breakout star of the Netflix comedy The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmmidt gets serious in this conversation about his family. On the show, Tituss Burgess’s character was born Ronald, a gay man who snuck out the back door of his wedding reception to start a life as “Titus” in New York City. In real life, the actor has always been Tituss. Raised by his mom in Georgia, he says he too knew that he was gay from a very young age. But it wasn’t until his freshman year in college that he mustered the courage to come out to her. “She handled it very well,” he said. But as his career has taken off, first on Broadway and now on Netflix, Tituss has become an increasingly vocal LGBT activist — something he says his mom struggles with. “She feels uncomfortable with it,” he said. “It means that there’s a chance that she might have to come out and be vocal about a position.”
College Sweethearts: Transformed
Recognition matters to Liam Lowery. He wanted his family to recognize him as Liam, not the young woman they thought they raised. He wanted his driver’s license changed. He wanted Facebook friends that were enthusiastic about seeing him live his truth. And he wanted Marisa, the woman he fell in love with in college, to recognize their relationship publicly on the social networking site too. He broke up with her when she wouldn’t. “I wasn’t ready to commit to what our relationship meant, and to commit to what being in a relationship with Liam meant,” Marisa says. “And I think that really showed me that I had to commit to him one hundred percent. And to all of him.” Hear Marisa and Liam’s journey toward fully understanding one another in the midst of Liam’s physical transition.
From Conversion Therapy to a Rainbow Yarmulke
When Chaim Levin first met Benjy Unger almost 10 years ago, Chaim immediately wanted to be friends with the “totes masc” Benjy. They grew up in Orthodox Jewish communities in Brooklyn, but they didn’t meet until they signed up for a conversion therapy program then called JONAH, or Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality. Both were attracted to men, and the program promised it would make them straight. “It was like I struck gold,” Benjy remembers. “I finally found my messiah.” But both soon felt frustrated and degraded, and quit. Then, Chaim came out, and watching him become an activist gave Benjy courage to come out as well. Chaim and Benjy later filed a lawsuit against JONAH, claiming fraud, along with two other clients. If you’re not familiar with the case, listen for the outcome. If you are, listen for the details.
In New Orleans: Big Freedia Bounces Back
Big Freedia is definitely a celebrity in New Orleans, and she’s gained a national following with her infectious brand of bounce music and Fuse docu-series. Freedia has always been boisterous, but she hasn’t always been Freedia. Born Freddie Ross, Freedia came out to her mom as gay when she was 13. She soon came out to her classmates as well. She says she “had to do what every other gay kid had to do: fight for their life, and fight to be strong and stand up and let people know that you are not no joke in who you were.” As she a became serious staple in world of queer NOLA bounce music, life began to test her. From being shot to narrowly escaping the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, Freedia had to call on the strength the fought to develop as a kid. One thing that made it easier was love and a romantic relationship that Freedia could be open about, especially after a lifetime of dating closeted men. Ten years after the storm, Freedia and Anna talked growing up, being proud, and knowing home.
Dating Was So Hard, Until It Wasn’t
Katie Heaney first spoke to host Anna Sale in 2014, when she had just published her confessional book chronicling of her lifelong singledom and virginity. Two years later when Anna interviewed Katie again, a lot had changed — now 29, Katie had come out, and started a serious relationship. “I remember being on the subway and looking around at all the guys. And being like, ‘I don’t want to date any of you. Like, I just don’t — I don’t want this,’” she said. “And…the attraction like fell out of my body.” Soon after, Katie started dating a woman, and says that while she was nervous on their first date, she wasn’t “uncomfortable to [her] core” in a way that she had been in the past on dates with men. Despite her newfound comfort in her sexuality, Katie says she’s still learning how to be in a relationship. Like most of us.
A Prison Guard In Transition
Mandi Hauwert was 32 and a few years into her career as a correctional officer at San Quentin State Prison when she started to wear eyeliner to work — just enough to feel feminine without calling too much attention to herself. At the time, Mandi hadn’t come out being transgender. She’d struggled with her secret for years, to the detriment of her mental health. She eventually came out to her supervisor when one of her coworkers at San Quentin met her secret with acceptance. It took time for Mandy to transition physically — with the help of her health insurance as a state employee — and even more time to get used to working as a guard as her true self. Early on, inmates called her names. And while that’s eased up over time, Mandi says her colleagues haven’t gotten over her transition yet. Mandi’s also gotten some pushback from the trans community, which she says views police officers and guards with a lot of suspicion. But Mandi is hopeful that being a part of the system is what could eventually bring about change. “Who knows?” she laughs. “I could be the first transgender warden.”
