Tested And Proven Guide To Make That Gorgeous Chick From Across The Room Fall In Love With You

MY “MAN” STATS

I’d start off by reading my man stats to you. I’m only doing all this so you don’t accidentally fall in love with the prince charming behind the keyboard known as myself. It certainly helps to know that guy writing this isn’t remotely close to looking as handsome as David Beckham. You really don’t have to be a model to make the entire knight in shining armor thing work. I’m 5’9, 140 pounds, and in an on and off relationship with the Planet Fitness. If you search up Kid Cudi on google images then you’ve pretty much gained a good idea of what I look like. Now this next part will blow your mind. I used this guide to land a date with an American Apparel model from Spain. On a realistic scale I consider myself a 7.5 out of 10, so it’s not impossible for you to do this too! I met the lucky female I practiced this guide on at a fashion week event in Manhattan.

THE LOOKS

I’ve got Good news! You honestly only need to look half decent to pull off this heist. The first thing you’d be judged on by that mystical female from across the room is most likely your looks. Luckily for my “ugly guys” this part isn’t necessarily the end. The main thing you need to make sure you’ve nailed is your grooming. Shady car dealerships practice this all the time. Nobody is going to think that Maserati with the brand new paint job is actually a lemon right? I say that in the most sarcastic tone imaginable. Unlike the car, you don’t come with a accident report. There’s no record of your past female failures tagged on you unless you’re a celebrity of course. However, you do need to come off as a well groomed gentlemen which means please don’t approach her without a neat trim.

THE RIGHT BARBER

Think of your barber as the architect of success. I simply can not stress the importance of being best friends with your barber. Your barber sees the prince charming in you, your barber is going to be the one to carve a masterpiece out of that block of manly facial hair. A freshly groomed beard and trim certainly go a long way. Think of it like this, would she rather a caveman with no trim or a caveman with a fresh one. I’m pretty sure the prehistoric cave women would all give a unanimous grunt of approval to what I just said.

THE JOKES

This one is a double edged sword. Mess around and have the wrong type of humor and she might easily get put off. Get a feel of the type of woman she is and then build your approach based on the energy she puts out. It’s like this simply. If she’s really passionate about elephants in Africa, then the last thing coming out your mouth is the time you played Beethoven’s Für Elise on your uncle’s elephant tusk key piano drunk. Also, stay away from political, sensitive issues, and of course anything having to do with race. That last one shouldn’t even be something you should be told. Nobody likes a jerk.

A PINCH OF SENSITIVITY

Just a pinch. Too much can set you a couple steps back to your barber. Come off as too sensitive and you’d be back at your barbershop pulling the trigger on a bald shave and a beard to regain your manly persona. It’s important to come off as someone who doesn’t let the world bother you, but at the same time keen on issues that matter. Take me for instance, I lack sensitivity on a major scale. One time when I was younger I saw someone trip and do a entire barrel roll from a hill into a small pond at the bottom. Here’s the insensitive part about this situation. Once I saw the guy fall into the pond, I took a bite off my lamb gyro before I went in there after the poor fella. Sure, I don’t lack sensitivity to the point where I’d watch the guy drown, but I sat through an entire lecture in the car ride home from my mom on how bad that looked. Insensitive me argued that if I were to go down with the guy I might as well of did it with food in my stomach. Moral of the story, the little actions actually count heavily especially with women. Imagine if I took a bite of that lamb gyro before jumping in after my girlfriend and people told her about it. The lecture on the ride home would probably be worse than my mom telling me how embarrassing that looked.

A COOL TALENT

To this day I’m convinced this one nailed it. I suck at everything in life including sports. Actually I take that back you’d catch some pretty serious work in basketball. Okay maybe I don’t suck at life and neither do you. What takes the cake every time is a cool little talent. My talent happened to be voice acting. I managed to master all the major accents to perfection like the typical English accent, Indian accents, Spanish accents, Caribbean accents, and a Chinese accent. Is that too many accents for you? Well, the reality is it doesn’t matter how many accents I know, the real thing is I had a weird talent to woo her over with.

SUCCESS

This one is up for debate. Everyone’s definition of success is different. But, there’s some loopholes to the entire success thing. There are those on the path to success, those who aren’t, and those who have arrived at their destination. Mine was the first of those three. At the end of the day it’s impossible for there to be enough playboy millionaires for every female. That list gets even smaller for chicks looking for billionaires, but the bottom line is there are oceans of people on their way to success. What matters the most is that she see’s you have potential. Tell them about what you’re working towards, what you see yourself accomplishing, and etc. My story is pretty funny. I suggest you never try this but I told her I wanted to be like Johnny Depp one day. Talked about how my goal in life was to be a successful business mogul and philanthropist and that worked it’s course for the rest of night. Pretend you’re a chick for a second if you aren’t already. You’re on a date with Steve Jobs before his rise to fame and he tells you about his passion for coding and starts rehearsing a javascript poem. You’d probably end up proposing to him instead of it being the other way around. I heard a woman once say “there’s something about a man on a mission that really gets me.” That’s only a joke, but women always want to know that they’re in the presence of someone who works hard for what they want. Because to them an attempt on their time is very special request. As men we always aim for the sky as the famous saying goes. However, women are fully aware that if we fall on our attempt to aim for the sky, we’re more than likely going to aim for the next sky we see at the Whole Foods checkout line next week. Never be afraid to fail in life, even with women. You gotta walk out each situation with a smile on your face like you’re Johnny Depp.

INTELLIGENCE

I’m going to come out and say it right away, no book smarts are required here. The last thing she wants to hear is your two cents on the joys of the pythagorean theorem. Maybe your college professor, but for the most part not Kelly from across the bar. However, what takes the cake on most flirting sessions is cultural and social intelligence. Is your potential girlfriend from Belize? Now is the time to start rehearsing those brochures you read on the cruise ship front desk. I’ve done this on way too many occasions, I actually thought about writing a thank you letter to the people who create those things. Best believe I gave her the entire airline magazine fun facts run down. She doesn’t have to know that’s where I learned all that stuff. To her all she knows is that I’m the closest thing to Indiana Jones at happy hour this afternoon. I gave her all the knowledge I could remember from my trip to Europe afterI graduated high school way back when. I talked about some of the places I visited, and how much I appreciated the culture. The overall goal is to tell a story and also share some knowledge while you’re at it. This method works every time. Imagine if the girl you’re talking to is a travel agent. I can see nothing but victory in your future if that’s the case my dear friend because she most likely read those airline magazines herself.

SOCIABILITY

For this next one it’s important to listen carefully to what I’m about to tell you. It is very important that you don’t come off as the type of guy you can’t be invited around her main friends. Let’s nail the main points of fitting the “this is my friend Tom” pitch she’s gonna have to give her friends if you ever make it past a first date even. You’re going to take everything I mentioned above and put it to work. You have to take all those steps my young Jedi and put them to use. If you can convince her on a second, third, and even a fourth date then you’re ready to meet her friends in a social setting. May the force be with you young Jedi.

STYLE

For this one you don’t have to be as well dressed as say Kanye West, but you definitely have to identify a solid style. In my experience in all things fashion, there are three safe cards you can play when crafting your style. The sleek guy, the gym bro, or the rockstar. The sleek guy dresses more like a Jon Hamm in Mad Men, the gym bro wears things that expose his built figure, and the rockstar wears the most stylish outfit. I chose the rockstar out of all of these because I’m skinny and I’d rather die than look like the “sleek guy”. In my own little world I like to consider myself somewhat of a Jimi Hendrix reborn. Along with the style I chose a irresistible fragrance which up to this day she tells me about. I chose to spray Yves Saint L’Homme Laurent on me that day to compliment my rockstar aura. I came out that day with a Saint Laurent leather jacket and harness biker boots. They’re actually called Wyatt boots, but let’s not focus on the boots for right now. The main focus here is how I mastered the style of my choice. I chose the rockstar and I mastered the rockstar. You best believe she told me how much she loved the way I dressed. My advice to you is to stick to a style and master it.

CONFIDENCE

There are actually a couple more intimate things I would add to this list, but let’s save that for when I become an editor at Playboy magazine. Let’s talk about the thing you need to even attempt any of the steps on this list. You need to have a pretty strong sense of confidence. Walking into a woman’s life is like the equivalent to when Jesus did that neat trick where he walked on water. If you walk into this without confidence you’re gonna drown without a doubt. When you look in the mirror you have to visualize the entire date. You essentially have to practice your James Bond walk and your smooth talk. Make sure your breathe smells good, make sure your hygiene is intact because all that contributes to your confidence. You walk out the house with bad breath or smelly armpits then you’re gonna take the lose. Don’t be scared, the worst thing that could happen is she says she’s not interested. If that does happen then you didn’t really take a lose because you’re a champion for trying. I used all these pointers above and managed to score a really nice relationship with a American Apparel model who unfortunately didn’t want our embarrassing date night photos on this blog.

YOUR FRAGRANCE

Remember how I wore the Saint Laurent leather jacket? Best believe I had the fragrance to match it. I complimented my rockstar look with none other than a rockstar fragrance. I wore Yves Saint L’Homme Laurent as my fragrance. I remember at some point during the first couple of dates she said, “you smell scrumptious.” Do I have to say it? I was on the road to success after that one compliment. If a woman describes your fragrance as scrumptious then best believe that you’re carrying the olympic torch for all the men in the world. Please don’t let us down and drop the victory torch. Your fragrance doesn’t only leave a scent for her to enjoy, but believe it or not she’ll remember you every time she smells that cologne. She could be at the mall and suddenly get a whiff of that cologne and instantly fall back to that perfect date. Choose your scent wisely Young Skywalker and may the force be with you.

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