Next Stop: Fatherhood

It has been six days since my daughter, Sydney, came into this world. People — family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances — all peppered me with advice over the past nine months of ‘what to expect’ once my then, soon-to-be born child arrived. Little-to-no sleep, priorities shifting, no more going out with friends into the wee hours of the next morning, easy vacations. All gone.

In my mind the confluence of anxiety and eager anticipation put those most of the time unsolicited, but well-intentioned, pieces of advice to the back of my mind.

See, during the last trimester of my wife Perri’s pregnancy my thought process completely shifted naturally. No longer was I concentrating on past events nor was I trying to project the future. My entire being — physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental — was and still is focused on the ephemeral present moment.

Being present and being grateful should not be considered mutually exclusive concepts. Before my wife delivered Sydney I considered myself grateful; subscribing to the mantra ‘I have what I want and I want what I have.’ Gratefulness, I also thought, begets consideration for other people.

It does not.

Introspectively I thought ‘I’ve been there for family and friends when they were in need. I contributed and participated in charitable events; I’ve given back. I sacrificed personal gain for the benefit of a group.’ All of which are great and laudable. But at the same time when I did these things, there was a thought in the back of my mind: ‘How will this help me?’ ‘Where’s my benefit?’

Now with Sydney in my life, my priorities have readjusted. I am no longer the locus nor the beneficiary of the things I do.

My [new] family is.