Remember This, New Dad (for my colleague, Summer Blog #8)

1. Learn how to change a diaper before forced to in the hospital; I got the stink-eye in the nursery with my first child for not knowing this.
2. Try to arrange as much time at home as you can when the baby arrives. She’ll really appreciate it. Then keep staying around until your kid(s) are at least teenagers and need to get away to form their identity.
3. When your child wants to play drop whatever you’re doing if possible and play. Kids don’t work operate by scheduling play time. I also wonder if this alleviates tendencies to seek negative attention. Often the kid wanders off to something else after a short while, and you can return to your original focus if needed.
4. Your child has come here through you and you have a lot of influence, but there are a lot of things about them beyond your control or maybe even responsibility.
5. Always keep in the mind the long view. On a higher level and longer view, maybe you’ve helped create a vehicle for a soul to incarnate and hopefully achieve it’s life purposes. You will be key to helping that person advance. Change takes place through relationships over time. Think of this long view when your kid pushes your ‘mad’ button and you’re much more likely to react wisely. Counting to ten works wonders.
6. Many of the dumb things your kid will do were done by you as well. Reach back now to refresh those memories to keep perspective. This AM I found small rocks inside one kid’s pockets while pulling pants out of the dryer, so I proclaimed that we turn our pockets inside out to empty them of lint and whatever (hopefully money) can be recovered before they damage our washer & dryer. I recall about age 5 thinking it fun to drop ‘Felix the Cat’ playing cards into the ductwork. Kids like to insert things into cavities, like their noses or into electrical sockets, so watch that to avoid trouble.
7. The romance might hibernate. Did both of you get too busy with life to set aside time to keep the flame going? Make time for your partnership and keep it sacred. What’s missing from when you dated? Create anticipation like when you were dating and had time to think about seeing each other. Mothers might find it hard to feel attractive when holding a spitting baby and being absorbed in taking care of everything, so you should remind them daily about they are still desirable.
8. Your wife had this creature pulling life from inside her and now it’s still here demanding attention. She understandably might feel weary about giving an adult attention too.
9. Raising kids is messy and exhausting and might not make you feel attractive, but being a responsible parent by pitching in and taking the load off her will make you look attractive.
10. See if you can do half the home-making, picking what you are good at and enjoy. If I dusted like I want to I still might approach only 40% of the total load apart and that’s apart from cooking, which my wife likes and does all of. But do what you can.
11. Notice and thank your wife for all small and big things that contribute and enrich your lives. Reciprocate.
12. Take advantage of any chances for babysitting from grandparents.
13. Promise her you’ll never leave and keep it. I wonder if people who look around are forgetting how raising kids and keeping jobs and a house is a grind, but it’s necessary and unavoidable if you want the rewards of family life. And if you learn to savor the daily details and be in the experience then it’s more enjoyable.
14. Use a lot of humor to communicate and find it in any situation. It really takes the bite out of things and shows you care because you aren’t taking things too seriously.
15. Accumulate as few things as you can and save your money so you can focus on each other.
16. When you email the baby picture, bcc recipients so everyone is not inundated with repetitive responses of others