Your journey is my journey too

Dear Caitlyn,

When I was younger I was told that having a child would change my outlook on things. I knew then that in some ways that would be true, but I didn’t understand the depth or complexity of the changes to come. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea: the changes I am noticing are wonderful and welcome. I wasn’t necessarily wrong before, but the scope of my thoughts and actions were more limited than they are now. When I look at things happening around me, I don’t just think about how those things will affect your mom and I, but how they will affect you. I think about what the outcome will be for you presently, but also how the situation might affect your development if you were to experience the event at different ages. What would your response be as a small child, as a pre-teen, as a teenager, as an adult? Are the things I am saying and doing making a better world for you to live in, a more equal and tolerant world? I am saddened to admit that has not always been my focus.

Part of this is because I am having a child, you, but part of it also stems from the fact that I am having a daughter. I’ve seen gender inequality in my life but as a man the majority of it has always been in my favor. Because of that I’ve often failed to take action when I should have and my inaction has added to the inequality experienced by someone else’s daughter. It’s strange to write this, and stranger still to put something so personal in public, but there it is. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, to quote someone else. This journey of fatherhood is my journey to travel, I don’t expect you to understand or even think about it, but while you’re making your way through life so am I. While you’re learning and expanding your horizons so am I. Hopefully I can keep ahead of you long enough to provide useful guidance until you don’t need me anymore, and then at that point maybe you can start providing guidance to me. Your journey is my journey too, and I’m already better for you having joined me on it.

I should probably call my parents and thank them.

Love, Dad