Is Somebody Watching?

I’ve known for quite some time that I have been spied on, since the apartment is filled with smart devices and appliances of all sorts. Just before entering a room, I swear I hear tiny voices saying “He’s coming!” Barely audible ‘tsk tsk’ sounds alert me to judgments of style shortcomings regarding my clothing — I’m certain the microwave doesn’t like my yellow sweater vest. If I’m trying to watch a particularly puerile TV show, it mysteriously changes channels to NOVA or a cooking show. One night I was feeling lonely, and I wondered aloud if I should try one of those live-chat phone numbers where you get to engage in naughty talk with a hot girl, and a text appeared on my phone saying, “What would your grandmother say?” Last night I got out the blender and was about to make a stimulating rum drink, when on the digital display it said, “Haven’t you had enough to drink?” I got in the self-driving car and told it I needed to get some more vermouth. I hope it doesn’t strand me out in the desert.