Assing For Trouble

Thelonious Cornpepper
Deconstructing Christianity
5 min readMay 9, 2023

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The strange case of a man and his ass

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Good morning. Today’s sermon is about Balaam and his ass.

First, some background. After the Israelites left Egypt, they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. Eventually they came to a land called Moab, where they prepared to cross the Jordan River in their campaign to seize the promised land.

Moab was ruled by King Balak. Balak was understandably disturbed by seeing many thousands of Israelites camped along the border of his country. The Israelites had already had some military successes in the area, and Balak figured he was next on their conquest list. So he sent some of his men to recruit a prophet named Balaam to curse the Israelites. The idea was that a well-placed curse uttered by a certified prophet would enable Balak to overcome the Israelites.

Balaam is a rather enigmatic figure in the Bible. He was not exactly a false prophet, but his heart was not always entirely right with God. Some sources identify him as a diviner, or someone who sometimes dabbled in the occult to get information. But in his dealings with Balak, Balaam seems to have relied on God, albeit not always perfectly.

At first, Balaam rejected Balak’s idea of cursing the Israelites. He said God told him not to do it. But Balak was persistent, and eventually Balaam said that God told him to honor…

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