Christmas Joy Is Closer Than You Think
The Big Lie: Jesus First, Others Second, You Last
It was Christmas 1964. I was seven and I had just been handed the secret to a happy life. We were practicing for the annual Christmas play at Santa Rosa Christian school where I attended second grade. That’s when I was given this little treasure.
JOY:
Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last
I tucked it safely into my back pocket that day and followed this sage advice for the next fifty years.
We were taught a cute little ditty so we could remember how JOY worked and how we could always have it in our lives.
Jesus comes first, for he is the best. Jesus comes first and then all the rest. All the rest except you who always comes third. Jesus is gold and You are a turd…
Wait, that’s not it.
Jesus comes first, for he is the best. Jesus comes first and then all the rest. All the rest except you — you barely get in. Jesus is gold. You’re a crap crock of sin.
Well, that’s not it either, but it’s a lot closer. You get the idea.
You. Come. Last. Especially if you’re a woman, or a little girl growing into one. Somehow, men always slithered their way into the “other” section of this little gem. Of course, men ran the conservative church I attended growing up in the Florida panhandle so I suppose that’s to be expected.
Equally important to being last in line is this: never trust your gut. Your intuition will always lead you astray. Especially if it’s women’s intuition. That’s evil. Ignore those little nudges and the subtle guidance you feel in your heart. It can’t be trusted.
Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last
Got it.
This is the JOY that makes for a happy and contented life. It was an easy answer to a world full of hard questions. If I’d just stop asking those hard questions and be a woman of JOY everything would work out just fine.
JOY was an elusive thing in my childhood home. We had more than our fair share of chronic illness, death by suicide, family heartache and loss. Even at the young age of seven I knew this wasn’t the way life was supposed to be. But now? Now I had the answer.
Jesus first: milk-toast little wimp that he was, never talking back and always turning the other cheek.
Others second: no matter what. Protect the wants and needs of others over your own. Especially if it’s your husband.
Yourself dead last. Follow Jesus’ example straight to the cross where you crucify your needs and find real JOY. Especially when you’re the wife.
Settling into an adult life of third place I was shocked to discover the JOY that had been promised never arrived. Through one failed marriage after another, financial failure and betrayal, disappointment was all I knew.
Putting myself last led to more than a few serious problems: hiding dark secrets, ignoring brilliant truths, and the hard work of keeping track of which was which.
In 2014, after five decades of this kind of JOY, I had made a pretty big mess of things. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Must be my fault. Even with Jesus first, others second, and myself last, it was all just one shit show after another.
It was Christmas again. I had piled up five mortgages, four careers, three divorces, two traumatized children, and one hell of an epic emotional fail.
It was that final epic failure that led me to throw off the blinders I’d been wearing my whole life. That’s when I discovered the Christian church and Christianity in general isn’t much more than a plagiaristic wanna be spirituality that stole (some say borrowed, not me) most of its stories and traditions from pagans, heathens, and anyone else they could conquer. The organized church may have never had an original thought in more than two thousand years.
Speaking of heathens…
Did you know that stories of a savior born of a virgin have been common throughout history? From Pharaoh Amenkept III, born of the virgin Egyptian queen Mut-em-ua, also celebrated by three kings who brought him gifts, to Horus, son of virgin mother Isis, who gave us the design for the Christian nativity, there are more than enough examples of virgin births that came long before Jesus.
Then there’s the flood. You know, Noah and the ark? The version we find in Genesis stands alongside the Qur’an and a very similar story of a huge boat that transported animals during a worldwide flood. In the Babylonian Epic of Gilgamesh, Ea, the god of wisdom and water, warned of a plan to destroy the world. He tells Utnaphishtim to build a ship to save himself, his family, friends and cattle.
All heathens. Sure sounds familiar to me.
And of course, there are the many crucified saviors that the world has seen. If you want to read about them you can find more here: The World’s Sixteen Crucified Saviors.
Wasn’t it King Solomon who said, “There’s nothing new under the sun”? Ecclesiastes 1:9
I agree with him.
But I’m not here to debate the stories in Christian scripture. I’m here to tear apart the big lie I was fed as a child because it doesn’t work. I learned this lesson first hand.
JOY doesn’t mean keeping Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last. JOY means looking within, accepting who you are, and living your one authentic life. The life that brings you JOY — even if it makes other people unhappy. Exactly opposite of what the church taught me.
The Dalai Lama says the ultimate source of happiness is found within us. What do you know? JOY was a lot closer than I ever imagined. It was right here the whole time — inside me.
I can offer no acronym to help us remember it and no little ditty we can recite. Maybe if we just lived this way, that would be enough.
I’ve decided to try it. I invite you to join me.
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