Why am I an atheist, not an agnostic?
For me, it’s an easy answer
It took me years to realize I didn’t belong to my family’s fundamentalist Christian church, and years again to realize I didn’t belong to Christianity at all — stories for another day. But once I’d completed those two key journeys, the hop from agnosticism to atheism was quick. Here’s why.
As I understand it, people who identify as agnostics essentially feel that they cannot say whether there is or is not a god. In effect, they decline to comment.¹ In contrast, my default is: There is no god until and unless one can be proven.
To begin, I think it is essential to consider the definition of “god.” It may be a bit simplistic, but I define a god as a being that is omnipotent and demands to be worshiped.² It’s probably akin to the definition I grew up with, but if I asked my parents directly how they define “god”, they’d probably say a lot of things that are frankly quite vague, like “god is love” and “god is good” and “god is great.” I don’t know what to make of such definitions, so I’m sticking with my two criteria.
Going with my definition of god, I struggle to understand how such a being could exist. High level, if a being is all powerful, but doesn’t demand to be worshiped, then this conversation is a bit moot. What does it matter that it exists if it doesn’t really care about us? It’s like, billionaires exist. Okay. Yes, they have so much more wealth than me that my brain cannot comprehend and I need metaphors. But I’m not going to spend my days worshiping them, unless I’ve got some personal issues going on. So, a being is omnipotent but doesn’t require the adoration of humans? Fine. I’ll let it be and go on with life, not thinking about it again and certainly not dropping to the ground and stopping my life for it.
Going a bit deeper, I cannot square the idea that a being would be omnipotent, yet it would care enough about human attention to care about humans worshiping it. It’s weird to me to think about an all powerful being stressing about who is and is not paying adequate attention to it. You’re omnipotent — why do you care about us weak, flawed, hopelessly selfish humans? Alas, power corrupts, so perhaps such a being that is omnipotent and also demands to be worshiped is simply corrupt. But again, why would I worship it then? What is it getting from us that it wouldn’t already be getting from its all powerful status? Why would it need to be worshiped? Sounds kinda weak to me. Yet it can’t be weak if it’s omnipotent. I just can’t square it.
On the other hand, if a being demanded to be worshiped and it wasn’t all powerful, then why the hell would I waste my time worshiping it? Screw it. (Unless there was some sort of protection racket, which I guess Christianity kinda espouses. “Would be a shame if something happened to you sinners…”)
From a more personal perspective, the whole idea of worship gives me the shivers. I associate worship with kings and dictators and cults, societal structures that much of the modern world rejects or is attempting to reject. Most modern societies also believe, for example, that the worship of cultural icons and the wealthy is a sign of immaturity and simplicity. For me, the logic continues and is even stronger, in a way, with a being that is, for all intents and purposes, invisible, living in the imaginations of individuals.
Of course, these logical investigations could be rendered moot if someone says that my simple human mind cannot comprehend god. But if it is indeed true that I cannot comprehend god, then what point is there in wondering at its existence, not to mention in believing in it? Further, if my mind cannot grasp it, how can it possibly be trusted to adequately worship it? If god is just too great for my little brain, then fine. I’ll continue about my day and never again think about agnosticism, because I’ll just assume atheism is the absolute only way I can be.
At the end of the day, worrying over the existence of a god seems pointless when there’s just so damn much to worry about in this world. Wars are raging, diseases are spreading, species are going extinct, the planet is warming, people are sleeping on cold cement. I want to concern myself with how best to participate in bringing peace, health, sustainability, and some level of happiness. I suppose others can worry about why I don’t care much about the possibility of a god. Personally, I’m glad I’m free to focus on other things.
Notes
[1] I recognize it’s a lot more complicated than that for lots of people. Truly investigating the history of and philosophical basis for agnosticism is its own topic. Here, my primary goal is to explain my thinking.
[2] Of course, this is a whole school of thought and has been for millenia. Today, there must be a plethora of definitions of “god”, even just in the US where I’m based and certainly throughout the world. So, I recognize that my definition is my own.
