Anxiety — Depressions Asshole Cousin

Depression comes in many shapes and sizes and with many related conditions. In my case this comes in the form anxiety.

Anxiety is crippling in its own way, sadly it is often seen as weakness rather than a health problem. The problem is , that is exactly how you feel yourself. “This is dumb” you think, “I am such a wimp, pull yourself together”. You feel pathetic and know that everyone around you is thinking the same. Everyone is watching you and they all hate you and look down on you. You are nothing and should just go away.

To those who are looking at this and thinking words like “Snowflake” or “Wimp” or “Aw, he gets a bit nervous”, I have two words for you. Fuck and Off.

But Andrzej, you speak at huge events in front of hundreds of people, who on earth can you claim to have anxiety?

Well dear friends, I am lucky. It doesn’t affect me all the time, unlike some I know. It comes and goes depending on other triggers in my life. Some days it doesn’t bother me at all and I thank the almighty for those days. Other days, I can’t function at all.

It came to a head one day a few years ago when I was unable to get in my car and drive to work. That was the point my amazing wife just stopped me and said “Enough is enough, get help.” So I did, the doctor gave me some medication that helped to keep the anxiety at bay. This in turn helped with the depression that at the time I had not fully realised had reared its head once again.

Like depression, this isn’t being a bit shy, or a touch off colour. Anxiety stops you in your tracks and makes it impossible for you to be around people. It takes huge strength and will power to put yourself in situations you know can trigger it and when there are other factors that you can’t control, such as stress or loss or just not getting enough sleep, also pushing down on you, even that strength isn’t enough.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. There is help out there and there are people who are going through this.

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