Games, depression and excuses

When I spoke about depression, there were a couple of side stories I missed out. The biggest was about gaming.

Games have been a big part of my life. My Dad introduced me to video games on a Mac II, helped me build them on a ZX Spectrum + and played them with me on an Acetronic MPU1000. I was about 5 when video games became part of my life in the early 80's.

Since then they have been omnipresent every step of my life. My friends in the local area bonded over Super Monaco GP, Pit Fighter, Strider and more. At university Super Mario Kart and Bomberman on the Snes with 4 way multitap were the staying in arenas of choice. In the later years of university, house arguments got settled in WWF Wrestlemania 2000 on the N64.

Later PC gaming took over with online multiplayer, Starship Troopers on the AOL games network introducing to the comradery of clan gaming.

After that I ran clans, joined clans and generally lived a second life in games. I even started running a games review site to get access to more.

I wasn’t addicted so much as in love. Games provided an escape from a world that had problems I couldn’t handle a lot of the time. I made friends for life battling for the freedom of the oppressed in World War II and on far away planets.

They also helped me through some of my darkest days of depression, playing games with people who understood me.

That said, they came with their downsides. They became an excuse not to deal with my depression. My wife, fiance at the time, came home from work one day to find I hadn’t moved from the computer all day. I was in my dressing gown, hadn’t opened the curtains or done anything around the flat. Just sat and played. My excuse? It’s helping me and I’m setting up the rebirth of my clan. Let’s just day the next day I was looking for a job and the PC didn’t get touched for a while.

Games, like all things, have good and bad sides. They can be a great educational tool, a mentor, a friend, a way to escape reality and much more. But they can also become a distraction and an excuse for not dealing with reality.

Games will always be a big part of my life, just like they are now for my kids. However, they will never be an excuse again.