The Ups of Depression
Depression and mental health have myriad conditions associated with them, often several present at once in a person. I have spoken about my anxiety and depression here at length, but wanted to highlight one of the “odd” flip-sides of my personal brand of mental health.
Like my mother before me, my personality is a little manic at times, flowing from Eyore style downs to Tigger like ups and back again — rapidly and uncontrollably. I’ll have days where, for no reason at all, I am so down I can hardly move, which is pretty devastating. At times however, the mirror to this is also pretty hardcore in its nature. The ups!
This morning I woke up on a high. The world seemed great. I had my morning coffee, got the kids doing stuff they enjoyed and started cleaning the kitchen. When my wife can down, I chatted and carried on, flitting here and there doing “stuff”.
“Great” I hear you say, that sounds awesome and a really good start to Sunday. The trouble is, it was all turned up to 11. I rushed around with little focus. I talked incessantly. My hands were shaking, my pulse racing and my head positively giddy. I felt like I was in some kind of upper. A fight or flight adreniline rush that would last hours.
I recognised the problem after about an hour and switched to decaf, forcing myself to slow down and breathe. I then warned my wife (who already knew because she is awesome).
Why did I warn her?
Because what comes next is a little unpredictable. I could already feel the exhaustion that usually follows one of these episodes. Next, I’ll slow down and start talking slowly and precisely in near monosyllables. Finally, if I am not exceptionally self aware, is a massive crash into a depression episode.
Like a child high on sugar, eventually you get the crash as they fall to the ground exhausted and crying, defiant and inconsolable. That’s how these highs work for me. I am sure many of you recognise this in yourselves.
How do you handle it? I stay busy and try to channel the energy positively, but prepare those around me for potential fall out.
What’s your strategy?
