Being inclusive is not a highway to heaven
I was sitting on the couch in shock that I had been shamed for choosing to shop at a conglomerate corporation to feed myself. I was almost in tears as I just about stormed out of the room. It didn’t occur to me that up until that point I had normalized shopping there because it met the basic needs of my family since I could remember. It also occurred to me much later that I was just shamed for being poor and having a lack of choice to meet my basic need of sustenance. The folks who had engaged in this performed as progressive they recycle, are queer friendly and like alternative styles of chips. But it was this exact snake like charm that put me in this situation — I learned I value inclusion over the need to create moral hierarchy between myself and others. I value people’s own personal stories and listening over launching my own judgemental rigour onto them.
The spaces that bring us together are also referred to as theatres. While we are in those structures we perform roles: sibling, friend, leader, coworker, or parent. Sometimes many roles at once.
This performance of moral higher ground because of personal choice is repeated all throughout progressive spaces — the coffee shop, conferences, work, music performances and poetry readings. It’s not a competition on how many times you say indigenous or consume authentic food from northern India.
Being inclusive is not a highway to heaven. Being inclusive is about the validation of someone’s basic humanity.
Where progressive communities become confusing is when people are called out. Now take or leave call out culture but, we cannot have this conversation without acknowledging the widespread impact call out culture has had on people. Is it anti inclusion to call someone out?
My answer: it depends.
It depends on if someone is being called out on behaviour, words they’ve said or problematic world views. It depends on the impact those actions, words and thoughts have had on themselves and others. It depends on whether the people involved want to work on their relationship, viciously shame someone or correct the behaviour and let it go.
Accountability is key here. No space can be truly inclusive because it’s up to each of our perceptions of a space to determine whether it’s inclusive for us and for others. You should at least feel like you can say how you feel and challenge assumption without being ostracized. It’s totally acceptable to have conflict in fact I think we need to have more direct conflict to sort out how we can be more accountable. However, it’s not okay to go into a space and expect people to win morality points by putting others down because they used the wrong word. I do this still it’s a struggle I try to fight by listening to the person intently and not jumping to judgement.
Allies also need to stop performing their allyship to get laid or paid. Seriously. Stop being in the way of people who are oppressed to make it seem like you’re woke and you’ve erased any past wrongs but posting the right things on Facebook and calling yourself a progressive. Actually think through how your privilege allows you to stand with and behind others and how you might put your status at risk to achieve equity. This is all too often performed in the helping sector with folks who are leadership positions of organizations where they share none of the history or traits of the people they serve. Structurally this should not be allowed — it’s hypocritical and inequitable.
The challenge at hand: We move forward by deeply revisiting who we are in relation to others and identifying what we want to create. Let’s start more carefully reviewing why we need to be progressive, inclusive or diverse and how it can be used to radically disrupt what we used to think was true.
