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Senator Ted Cruz to Texas: Let Them Boil Water

While the TX death toll rises due to frigid temps, the Republican lawmaker heads to Mexico as his constituents struggle for the most basic necessities

Ted Cruz waits in line to GTFO of the United States abandoning his fellow Texans, millions of whom suddenly find themselves without water or heat.

Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, the despised and frequently ridiculed junior Senator of Texas appears to be abandoning not just the Texans he represents but the USA entirely in favor of the warmer climes of Mexico in one of the most cowardly and selfish moves since he voted to acquit his disgraced BFF last week.

Texas, you may have heard, is in the throes of a deadly winter storm that has crippled the Lone Star State. It’s colder than a Mitch McConnell smile.

Over two dozen Texans have perished due to the ice storm that has left over a million residents to boil their water due to its questionable quality. Thousands have seen their pipes freeze AND burst, electricity go out, grocery store shelves quickly empty, and lives thrown into shambles.

Cruz, seeing no reason to help these people, gathered his family, hastily packed a few bags and made a run for the border tonight to catch the last flight to Mexico.

“Families in Houston and all over Texas are doing anything to stay warm, sometimes making deadly choices,” reported CBS News this evening. “911 calls are up throughout Texas. Hospitals have treated hundreds for exposure to the cold and for carbon monoxide poisoning as Texans fire up generators and stay in their cars to keep warm.”

But Sen Cruz is not interested in volunteering at any hospitals or doing whatever he can to help restore power and clean water to the 4.3 million voters that helped him narrowly get re-elected in 2018.

Ted’s got some frozen margs to pound at a foreign resort.

But can we be sure that the graying, pudgy, schlep at the airport is really the Capricorn from Calgary, Canada?

Twitter has the clues:

  1. An actual journalist has confirmation.

Like many of us David Shuster has bounced around from MSNBC to Current TV and now he’s at… The Young Turks network? Yes, that’s a thing. He says he has confirmation. But not many would call TYT completely unbiased, so let’s continue our investigation.

2. A journalist who speaks Spanish has another incriminating photo!

Juan Torres’s twitter bio says he is a Periodista, which Google Translate says means journalist in Spanish. Right on.

Torres tweeted, “El escándalo de la década en EE.UU. Mientras gran parte del estado republicano de Texas está en la oscuridad y con millones al borde de la hipotermia por falta de electricidad, su senador más inportante, Ted Cruz, fue a “relajarse” unos días a México.”

This is “The scandal of the decade in the US,” he begins, stating what appears to be the obvious — that Cruz is flying the coop.

3. That Mask seems to be his!

Shannon Watts has a blue checkmark. That means she’s important. She’s a mom who is against guns. She also noticed that his bad ass “Come And Take It” Gonzales cannon gray mask he was photographed sporting recently in DC is the same one he’s donning in his aisle seat to the Mexican Riviera. Hard to argue with pixels!

Unfortunately greggr5 showed that pixels could be easily manipulated

4. Look how he handles his tool!

BigDSports 19 noticed that the image of the portly papa on the phone seems to look exactly how Cruz looked the last time someone snapped a controversial pic of him on a plane.

5. That sure looks like Ted Cruz’s wife. Yes, the one Trump said was fugly.

J Beck has two pics of Heidi Cruz. One allegedly taken tonight from the airport and another in happier times when she wasn’t forced by federal regulations to wear a mask.

Hard to argue that the blonde on the left is not the blonde on the right.

And yes that is the same Heidi who Trump tried to paint as being not as beautiful as his wife. If you recall, Cruz, who at the time was campaigning against Trump in 2016 to receive the GOP nom for POTUS, quickly went to Twitter to defend the love of his life… and just as quickly became one of DJT’s supporters.

But yes the happy couple do seem to be taking a mid-week family getaway together. Which is romantic… in a way?

If true, no, it’s repulsive. She has no business smiling.

6. Just look at those ears!

People used to poke fun of President Obama because he has large ears. But you know what that means.

Sen. Cruz’s ears are slightly misshapen, especially when he’s required to wear a COVID mask. The photos above are of the man on his way to the Yucatán Peninsula. The ones below are of Cruz taking a leak without looking, I mean, earlier this year. Do the shapes look the same to you? Especially the top of the ear that juts out before curving straight down? Do your ears look like that? Are you Ted Cruz?!?! OMG HI!

Also take note of the color and greasiness of the mane. In both sets they appear to have the texture of both sweat and desperation. A combo of Tres Flores hair dressing and actual salad dressing.

But what might give it all away is that half-ass beard growth. Soak in the patchiness. The laziness. The dread of the hairs themselves which seem to be saying just shave us please. Kill us and leave us behind like you’re doing to the innocent patriots of your adopted state who are not allowed to just fly away during an epic pandemic.

7. Is it the shoes Mookie? Gotta be the shoes.

Like a lot of rodents, Ted Cruz appears to be a creature of habit.

In this photo we see the senator the last time he dipped down to Cancun. If you can keep your gaze away from those sexy AF gams, get a load of those sneakers.

In any other universe they’d be entirely unremarkable. As bland as his tone, and as dull as his delivery. If anything about him says “Look at me, I shop at Costco!” it’s those kicks.

Which happens to look identical to those of the jackass exiting stage left when his state needs him most.

Also of note (thanks M!) check out the yellow tag in the picture above and the one above that from his last soiree south of the border. What’s Spanish for Identical?

This so-called Christian is leaving those he claims to love quicker than the cock can crow. Bro probably still has the TV blaring in his panic room, er, “den.”

8. But was there even a flight today from Houston to Cancun?

Si.

And that’s the story of the time Ted Cruz defected to Mexico when the Senate was supposed to be working in their districts.

9. And finally, those sure look like his glasses.

Ted Cruz wears glasses. Wireframed to make him look smart.

But is it smart to shuffle off to Mexico in broad daylight? Shouldn’t someone with glasses see that it’s political suicide to show how gutless and uncaring you are in a time of crisis to leave dead and dying people to fend for themselves as they fight to survive the elements and the rickety Texas power grid?

Does he think four-eyes is the worst he’s going to be called by a state that nearly gave his seat to a nerd named Beto?

Yes, those are his stupid glasses. And yes he’s in the middle of the most uncomfortable vacation he’s ever had.

Moose out front shoulda told him so.

Bonus: Some smart alec created a faux NY Post cover to summarize this day.

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Tony Pierce

Tony Pierce

host of the most ambitious podcast in history