Beirut, I thought I’m lost.
*written in January, 2018
So, I have one week left till I bid Beirut farewell once again. Yet there’s so much I felt I haven’t done, so many lost opportunities, and a lost soul in the mix too.
When I left Denmark to come here for a vacation, I had been counting the days to be reunited with family, friends, my ex-boyfriend, and most importantly my country.
I don’t know what it is about Beirut, but every time I think of her, my heart trembles and within a few seconds a whirl of emotions takes my soul, from tears, to smiles, to laughs, to anger and whatnot.
I can’t explain how deep and emotional the reunification felt. I literally felt like Denmark is the place where I get abandoned, where I lose myself, where I feel like a robot, forced to communicate with people who will never even understand what I am.
After living a while there, with internationals from all over the world, I started to recognize how much Beirut has to offer.
Even though while we are here, we all nag about it’s viciousness, like everything in life we never know it’s true value until we are far away from it.
Before I go on talking about myself, my state, and what I am feeling as a lost millennial, seeking a good future, seeking for change, I think it’s fair to thank Beirut for all its given me.
Firstly, thank you Beirut for teaching me reflex, if it wasn’t for your crazy drivers, and your dysfunctional streets, I wouldn’t have become the impatient and lunatic I am (only when it comes to driving, people.)
Secondly, Beirut, you know family, like no other culture. Never have I seen such strong bonds and such love for blood-related relatives, like in this city. Everywhere else, parents feel that their children are a burden and dream of the day that they could become financially independent again, if not completely independent. They lose contact with their kids and their “friendship” is limited to large familial occasions.
Over here, I know that no matter when, how old, where and what I am doing, my family would kill for me, and i’m not just speaking about my immediate family, I’m talking about the entire Korban clan. (I’m warning you we’ve got macho men over here)
Thirdly, Beirut, you know how to graduate bad-ass educated individuals who would soar no matter where you place them. Luckily, as a Lebanese woman, I know that no one can play with my mind, because I would be ten steps ahead, buddy.
Us Lebanese, have better characteristics, than the all-new Lexus LS. Our features include being trilingual at least, being loud in public spaces, helping everyone before helping ourselves, having the best sense of humour with a spice of sarcasm, pretending like we know-it-all or actually acknowledging that we know-it-all, in addition to the benefit of looking Mediterranean, so yeah, we are gorgeous, inside and out.
I’m going to stop talking about how awesome we are and move on to the real issue.
Like any millennial, I can proudly say, I AM LOST.
Since I was a child I always felt like I am working towards becoming something, but today, I don’t know if this composed plan still works for me.
From the moment I stepped into univeristy, I knew that I am going to become somebody (minus the arrogance). I don’t want to become somebody for the show or the fame, I want to be somebody, who sweats and works and doesn’t sleep in order to bring something back to this country that brought me so much but I was never able to give her in return.
But, what made this plan become so shady now, when I’ve always been working day and night towards my goals and achieving them with a grain of a salt?
I have no idea. I wish I did. But, I’m writing and writing in order to bring back my motivation, and bring back my hope to become a anti-corrupt politician in Lebanon among a pool of manipulative and corrupt system.
So, boys, no, you don’t stand a chance, because Lebanon will become a better place whether you like it or not, the people want it, and the people will bring it, just wait for it.
For all you millennials feeling like you don’t know what to do and how to do it, never give up, let’s mess up and see where it takes us, because I think that I will find myself within all this chaos and finally bring back what I’ve been dreaming of.
In a week, I’m going back, but my love for Beirut won’t change, I will be back and in the meantime you’ll be in my heart.
