THINGS I LEARNED FROM MOVING ABROAD
Last November 2017, after our wedding in Indonesia, I officially moved to Bangkok, Thailand. Upon the moving, I received many questions and responses from dearest families and friends.
I was born and grown — and always been living in Surabaya my whole life. The longest time I was away was 5 months language course in Shanghai during 2008, and 1–2 months being away in Japan and Germany for school break. So officially, this is the longest time I’m living in other place than Surabaya now.
I’ve round up some things I learned from this new experience of mine, and hopefully it will help a little if you’re entertaining the idea of moving abroad.
Keeping connection requires conscious effort
Not mentioning whether it is friends or families. Talk to me 3 years ago, and I would think that it is weird to people to loose contact to their good friends. I have not many, but handful of friends that I always constantly talked and kept in touch. Some of them are in Surabaya, some are not. However, now I understand that my friends who were away are always be the one that made effort. After you moved away, you are no longer a huge part of their lives as you are not in their sight most of the time. You are the one that moving away from their routine and daily life so it is only fair that you’re the one that reaching out first, or update them first. You are not gonna be the first to know the big things happen in your family, or worse — they will even sometimes forget to update you since they’re so caught up in the problem/big event.
This is the hardest thing that I learned to accept — that this is the consequence of being far. Therefore, I made a mindful effort to always told them whatever happen in my new life. Dennis told me one day when I was struggling about this, “It is better for them to be over informed rather than not being informed at all.”
You gain different points of view, and you will change for good
Living in a new country means people have different life, different standard. You will not ask yourself “What is norm?” anymore because it is just the new world that you live in now. The whole process of moving away changed you, you will need to adapt to a new life, and you will try your best to work everything out. You will talk more to yourself (and for me — also to Dennis), and you will find more about yourself. Perhaps you will develop new priorities and new passion in life.
Side note: I just started cooking and baking, and I love it.
Things are just things, and you will learn to let it go
At home, I have some things that I always kept for years, and they are quite a lot. E.g: Dolls that I had since I was baby, gifts from precious friends, and ton more things that remind me of beautiful memories and accomplishments. I was lucky it was not a hard reset for me to move to new place, since I did it slowly (I came back home once every month more or less).
However, having less possession in the new place making me realize of what I really need in day to day life — which are actually not much. Moving to a new place with only 1 suitcase in the beginning is actually quite liberating, and making me focused on what really matters in the present.
Before I moved away, I sold several things, and learned to let go few things that I don’t need to keep. This book helped me a lot in the process. Digitizing your important documents are also very important in keeping track and copies of what you have.
Workplace flexibility is possible
Moving out when I’m 30+ means leaving the place where I planted my work and my team. Since I love being in control, it is so hard to me not knowing about any slight of detail of where we are in work. Thanks to technology, I learn that even in the early stage of the business, managing from a far is a possible way, and there are also many people that doing the same thing (you’re not alone, digital nomad!). I learned this from the best, my own husband. Snap all the tools out there for this purpose, and most important of all, build a solid team to support you and know your management style. Yes it’s hard — it is not instant — but it’s possible.
Some people will not get it, and it’s okay
Before I moved out, some people are literally telling me that it’s hard to move away from family and therefore, and I will be unhappy in my new place. Some people are also judging that moving to a new place with husband means I don’t need to work and will live attached to him and accepting my “fate”.
Moving away is a matter of choice. Even though I’m convinced about my decision, those words came from close friends are shaking me a little. Yes — it is risky and it is different. Trying to explain it sometimes will be hard since people only hear what they want to hear.
This making me realize that as long as my closest family understand and support it, it will be fine. For good friends, they only want the best for you: accept all the advice, absorb the good one for you, and believe that in your heart you’re doing what’s right for you.
Home is where your heart is
Your home, your surrounding, that usually you got to see everyday, now is so far away. There are just some sense of comfort and belonging that you wouldn’t find elsewhere. It’s the place you grow up after all. And it’s true what people said that you are truly and fully appreciate things when you’re far away.
This place (Bangkok) though, is also my new home. I have that longing feeling of coming back to Bangkok every time I travel. So I learned slowly that wherever we are, home is where we infused our memories, and mostly it is closely related to dear people that we share it with. Family will always be there for me, and even though I only get to see my friends only once a month or even once a year, we still have share those unbreakable bond like we never parted.
Home has a new meaning for me now. It is the people that matters — to me it’s my family — including newly gained one, and my husband. Wherever they are, there are my home.
This post was originally published on our blog http://www.dennislydia.com/thingsilearnedfrommovingabroad/ — visit for more travel posts and inspirations!
