A Bold Lesson In Inclusiveness
I come from a large family (I have more than 30 first cousins alone!) that I measure not only by blood, but by heart, too. Within this family are people from varied backgrounds: White, Black, Korean, Hispanic, Gay, Straight, and some that suffer from mental illnesses and physical disabilities. My husband was a stay at home dad for a number of years and when he went back to work we hired a male nanny. You could say that my entire life is a testament to inclusiveness.
Because of this, I was sensitive to the effect that my actions and words had on others. Or at least, that’s what I thought. Ten years ago I had the opportunity to attend a global diversity training program that made me realize I still had a long way to go to reach “inclusiveness.” The class was comprised of people from 35 different countries with an even male/female split. On the first day, the teachers sat in front without saying a single word. I sat there thinking about how much money, time and resources were being wasted, so I did what comes natural to me — I raised my hand and stated “We have lots to do and very little time together with our global colleagues. What’s the plan and when do we get started?”
There was no response; the teachers just sat and observed. This went on for two and a half days. No planning, no teaching. To anyone who knows me, this was pure torture. A male friend from Brazil and I tried engaging others in conversations about pressing business issues, but only one man from India joined our discussion. The rest of the class remained quiet, working independently on their laptop or patiently waiting for the lesson to start.
At the end of the third day the teachers finally spoke by asking us to discuss how we felt about the last few days. Personally, I felt frustrated and baffled. But I was most surprised to hear that the majority of my classmates thought I had disrespected the teachers; they were the authority and I was the student. One woman from Bangladesh applauded my need to not waste resources, but didn’t join me because she was taught that women should never speak over authority.
During this debrief, people’s anger was overwhelmingly directed at me for trying to engage others, yet there was no animosity toward my Brazilian and Indian colleagues. When we discussed why, we learned that the men were given a subconscious “pass” for three reasons:
1) I engaged first
2) They were men and expected to be aggressive
3) They weren’t American
In this class, it was apparent that the students had an unconscious negative bias towards women, and that Americans were seen as obnoxious and insensitive (one I obviously didn’t dispel!). Attending this course was not only eye-opening, but it taught me a few lessons I utilize today and incorporate into my teams:
Engage others: In meetings, make sure you get all perspectives. Without asking, you might miss something valuable.
Be sensitive to the needs/styles of others: When fulfilling my own needs, I was insensitively stepping on others. Now, when a new employee starts I ask questions about their background and preferred communication style so I know exactly where they’re coming from.
Be conscious of your bias: I realize that everyone has subconscious stereotypes. I try to objectively analyze my own stereotypes in different situations to understand if my reactions are due to biases. If so, I’ll seek council from trusted colleagues and mentors.
Actively work toward change: The world will only become more inclusive if we actively seek to make it so in everything we do. I join organizations (as a mentor for She Runs It) and regularly read newsletters to further my own education and global awareness (one in particular is called “Advancing Women One Conversation at a Time” that focuses on the ways both women and men can help advance inclusiveness).
