#BEBOLDFORCHANGE — My pledge for IWD 2017
My world changed last year with my first pregnancy. I had just been selected for our Women and Leadership programme and I felt very guilty. I fell into the trap that I assume many women in the same position also fall into. I carried on like ‘normal’ instead of embracing a new kind of normal. And then as you might have guessed, once my son was born in May I was confronted with all the beautiful moments and terrifying realisations that you get as a new mum. Mainly through the lens of a million hormones that seem to have permanently found a home in me. I took 8 months’ maternity leave and it changed me. I changed.
Sheryl Sandberg says that your most important career choice is in fact the choice of your partner. Whilst there are some things upon which Mrs Sandberg and I might agree to disagree, I believe she couldn’t be more right on this. I had the privilege to come back to a job I love and a team I deeply care about (yes team, I mean it!). My company offers lots of support for working parents but there was also another big support factor in my story: my boyfriend chose to look after our boy when I returned to work. We made that decision together. He took a flexible freelance job and is not only the best dad in the world but also the most supportive partner (Joe, should you ever read this, thank you!).
Gender equality is rarely far from the discussion table these days and we all know that we’re simply not there yet. We all know it’s taking too long. But it is not just about the pay gap or balanced representation on our boards. Unless family and home life become more equal too, we can’t achieve those things. It’s okay for a mum to leave at 5pm sharp because she has to go home to her son. How many men feel they can do the same? I have about a million baby classes and meet ups to choose from, so being the social butterfly mum is easy. But men are only welcome in some classes and it’s a bit of an ask joining a class called Mummy Runners as a man isn’t it!?
So this is gender equality turned on it’s head. At the current pace of change not only will the pay gap remain alive and well, but my boyfriend will continue facing questions about my health when he’s doing baby swimming. Surely the only reason I wouldn’t do my mummy duties is that I am sick, right? He will also continue to carefully pre-select cafés and other venues where the changing rooms are not in the women’s bathrooms. And he will continue to face questions about when he will finally take a ‘real’ job.
To deliver true gender equality we need to create space for men and women to make different choices about career and family, on their own terms. We need to have more open discussion with fathers-to-be and promote parental leave for dads. We need to let men know that it is a feasible option — and a great thing to do. And we need to have these conversations not only at work but with our friends and families.
My wish is that one day my son can make the decision to stay home with his little baby if he decides to have family himself. That he can do so without the feeling of peer or societal pressure to live his life in a certain way. That he has a choice of classes and no headaches about changing facilities.
My #beboldforchange commitment is to help build that future.
