UX Parent Hacks in a Pandemic

On Monday, I was at my desk, attending a virtual meeting with a few of my colleagues. I heard my daughter coming. She gave me a blue 3x3 sticky note. To my colleagues in the virtual meeting, I showed it and said, “Excuse me. She just gave me a Help ticket. I gotta go help. I’ll be right back.”

They laughed out loud. That was a tiny win for me.

I am a mother with a spirited 5-year-old daughter. Just like many parents, this pandemic has been hard for me. I had some mom rage and meltdowns in the past 5 months. Someone told me, “You can set some boundaries with her. A 5-year-old can understand.” When she told me this, I didn’t like what she said in the midst of struggling weeks, thinking “You don’t understand how hard it is.”

But if I don’t like what someone tells me, I know there is a lesson in it. I am a user researcher. It is my job to help improve human experiences. I can come up with ideas and paper mockups to solve problems.

Today, I am going to share with you a few hacks I’ve come up with over time while working and parenting in a pandemic. These tips and tricks will probably work for kids between 4 to 8. You only need sticky notes and willingness to experiment!

1. Two help tickets a day

After a week or so in a pandemic, it became clear to me that interrupting my work meetings is the only entertainment left in my daughter’s life. But, a child interrupting 7 of my work meetings throughout the day, which was record-breaking, made me exhausted. It was too much cognitive overload, constantly switching attention and tasks. I got completely burned out that day. I thought of how I could reduce the number of her interruptions. I came up with an idea of giving her 2 tickets a day. “M, these are very precious. You only have 2 tickets a day to ask for my help. You can do this. Let’s try to see if you can get through a day.”

She has to learn to be strategic. When she thinks of asking me something, she has to think “Hmm, is it worthwhile to use a ticket? I may need one later today…”

Did it work?

It worked for a week. In my opinion, it’s a win. Although she still interrupts me more than twice a day, it definitely got less frequent. More importantly, my stress has significantly reduced because a silly 3x3 ticket has become an object for me to respond to, not directly react against her.

I set an attainable goal of making it less of an issue instead of completely eliminating it, which will never happen. Small improvements are better than nothing.

2. Mute yourself!

3 weeks after shelter-in-place started, my daughter’s school decided to run live classes via a video meeting. A kindergarten teacher drew a large mute icon on a piece of paper, and virtually taught a group of kindergartners to mute/unmute themselves. I thought, “WOW! That’s brilliant!” Then, I got an idea… I would have never thought of my child understanding the concept and manipulating a mute button by herself.

When she comes to my room during my work meeting and I don’t want to deal with her, I show this to her.

Did it work?

It worked at least 3 times for me! I recommend using it sporadically. It may be pretty effective with adults too. My colleagues laughed about it. We need more laughter in a pandemic.

3. “I don’t bother mom during a meeting.”

A few days after shelter-in-place, I made a sign, “I am in a work meeting.” It didn’t work at all. So I made her the subject, “I don’t bother mom during a meeting.” Next, I put the sign at her eye level. That’s empathy, isn’t it!

Did it work?

It didn’t work initially. A problem was that I closed the door of my room when I didn’t want her to interrupt. Thinking of how she might have felt, I realized when the door was closed, she might wonder if she was missing out… Then, I decided to leave the door open… By leaving the door open, my success rate has improved by 50% for about a week. I will come up with a new sign for the new school year.

4. Stack ranking her favorite shows

Every now and then, I have to give a presentation to a group of people at work. My colleagues are extremely understanding, but I don’t feel good about her interrupting and wasting people’s time although my colleagues say, “No worries at all.”

I made a list of her favorite shows with sticky notes. I only give her permission to watch those “special” shows on a rare occasion, no more than twice a week. Having a list like this reduced my anxiety and the number of decisions to make throughout the day.

Did it work?

It worked, and has been working well. Reducing the number of decisions I need to make is so helpful as I have so many things on my mind, juggling her school work, my work and our wellbeing.

5. Give sticky notes

I use sticky notes a lot to organize my tasks and make sense of data. She always wants to imitate what I do. One day, she got a lightbulb in her head, and asked me for a stack of sticky notes. “What are you making?” I asked. She said, “I am making a knock-knock joke book.”

Did it work?

Yes, this is a win. My house is a mess, but I am telling myself that a messy house means more creativity time, less screen time. Sticky notes are great tools for making something. Who cares about a messy house? No one is visiting us anyway.

By the way, when she was an infant and I had a work meeting very early in the morning from home, I gave her sticky notes. She carefully peeled them one by one. I was helping her develop fine motor skills.

6. Integrate, instead of resist

She is an introverted child, and often hesitant to turn on her camera during her online live class. I have no idea, however, she specifically loves to join some of my work meetings. Telling her not to come during a meeting doesn’t work, and also it is tiring to remind her all the time.

So I improvised. When she came one day, I told her, “Hey, you have to tell my work friend your new knock-knock joke.” Instead of resisting, I integrated and gave her an opportunity to be courageous.

Did it work?

It worked thanks to my empathic colleagues. I also had her watch lots of kids’ joke books via audio books. I am having her stretch her sense of humor and build vocabulary during her screen time. I turned a problem into a solution that makes me feel a little better as the principal of our homeschool.

7. Kanban board

A friend of mine shared with me a LinkedIn article about creating a Kanban board. I experimented with this over the summer with my 5-year-old.

Did it work?

There are some good days and some not so good days, but it’s a tiny win because it made it clear that my kid has a shared responsibility for structuring her day. It’s also good to remind myself to dance and practice mindfulness.

Thanks for reading. It’s really hard. Fellow parents, I am with you. I am learning and practicing so anger and rage won’t take over me. I am going to keep experimenting and celebrating tiny wins. I would love to hear your tiny hacks and wins as well.