Confidence: from childhood into adulthood
by Sandra Ruiz and Noemí López
There are some occasions in which you may wonder if you really are good enough to perform an assigned role or meet a project’s expectations. In most cases, we would dare to confirm that the answer is yes: you are prepared to accomplish the great objective ahead.
Now stop for a minute and think about the following:
- Have you ever started a new project and thought you didn’t have something interesting to contribute?
- When speaking to others, do you ever feel you’re failing in getting your point across?
- When in front of leaders, do you struggle to find the courage to speak up, negotiate, or challenge their ideas?
- In your day-to-day, do you feel a constant need to prove yourself to others?
If some of these scenarios resonate with you, the Impostor Syndrome likely arose. This concept refers to an internal experience of believing that you are less competent than how others perceive you. The scenarios above may seem familiar because the sensations you feel in those moments, and many others, rely on a main topic: confidence.
Contrary to what people think, confidence is not an action; it is how we react towards certain moments and behaviors that put us to the test. Like a muscle that needs exercise to grow stronger, building confidence is a constant strengthening exercise and a dynamic — not static — emotion. Reflecting on how we began to strengthen and define this muscle throughout our own careers, we found two critical moments in our personal experience:
The first one was our childhood. We remember it as a period of accelerated learning. We began to build the skills that generated the necessary self-confidence to accomplish our primary responsibilities: crawling, learning to walk, reading, riding a bike, doing our homework, etc. We remember parents and teachers providing us with the motivation we needed to accomplish these tasks. Every positive stimulus we received back then had an important role in creating a sense of achievement. That feeling also gave us the encouragement we needed to recognize that we could tackle whatever came our way.
The second moment we identified as crucial in our confidence-strengthening process was our adolescence. This was a period where appearances and the opinions of others became more relevant to us. Fear of being judged for not fitting into a specific social group could make us doubt our abilities.
Reflecting on these periods, we discovered that we sometimes carried over some of the insecurities we acquired during our school days into our professional lives. This created additional pressure, which sometimes made us look for less risky situations or even censor ourselves to avoid awkward social situations.
Let your inner kid strengthen your confidence
Our reflection led us to explore how we could replicate some of the behaviors that led us to develop confidence during our early years.
Here are some ideas you can use to rediscover your confidence through your inner child.
1. Make time to play
Learning to swim or climbing a tree were rites of passage that instilled in us a sense of self-accomplishment. Even as adults, learning something new can awaken that same feeling from when we were children. We need to allow ourselves to “play again” by exploring and constantly challenging ourselves. Find an exciting activity that represents a challenge, but focus on enjoying the journey. It could be learning a new language, starting a new design project, painting a wall, or cooking classes.
2. Fail multiple times
As children, we definitely had more failures than success stories. But if we look back, what matters the most is that we learned invaluable lessons along the way. When facing a new challenge, if you catch yourself wondering, “Am I good enough?” or “Do I have what is needed?” then stop for a minute and do an inventory of the numerous times you have survived failures and learned from them. Now that you remembered that challenging and uncertain experiences were the ones that made you learn the most, be less afraid.
3. Be a superhero
Do you remember how playing the role of a superhero gave you the feeling of gaining the power to face anything? Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, introduced the concept of “Power Posing” in her book Presence (2012). She suggests that since our body language governs how we think and feel about ourselves, how we hold our bodies can also impact our minds. Expansive body postures such as posing as Wonder Woman (standing tall, with your feet apart, chin up, hands on your hips, elbows bent) can help you boost a feeling of power. Amy’s studies explain how standing in a high-power pose can increase testosterone levels and decrease cortisol levels. This can help you to better handle stressful situations and prevent fear and self-doubt from taking over.
Next time you have a big presentation, take five minutes before it begins to be alone and do a power-pose. When you arrive at the conference room or join the Zoom meeting, adapt your body language — eye-contact, gestures, speaking cadence, voice inflection, volume — so you appear confident and calm and have the desired impact.
4. Celebrate your accomplishments
There are many communication techniques to help you appear confident. Still, you need to understand that unless your mindset aligns with the confidence you want to exude, those techniques won’t be fully effective.
Psychologist Albert Bandura defined the term self-efficacy as the ability to believe we can manage prospective situations. Simply put, self-efficacy is the belief in one’s capabilities. To adopt this mindset easily, we recommend you recall your early childhood days (and the self-efficacy that came with it) and write down your skills and achievements. Doing this will remind you of your ability to succeed.
These “childish” lessons can change the world
Building your self-confidence is all about changing the beliefs you have about yourself. It requires effort and perseverance, but it’s not impossible. If we decide in advance the confidence we want to project, we increase our probability of giving that impression. After all, confidence is about feeling comfortable in various situations.
We hope that these four tips help you access your inner child, try new things that make you uncomfortable, and become proud of your small wins. We believe that remembering the lessons we learned as children will better prepare us to change the world.
Special thanks
We want to thank the incredible work that our talented colleague Chisa Tanaka did to conceptualize the ideas embodied in this article graphically! Also, a big round of kudos to Aditi Ruiz for her help proofreading and editing our article.
About the authors:
Noemí López is a UX Designer with a Master’s degree in Design and Product Innovation from Tec de Monterrey. At Wizeline, she helps companies find the correct problems to solve through a user-centered approach and business understanding in telehealth, fintech, education, and entertainment.
Sandra Ruiz is a UX Designer who enjoys participating in product strategy and business decisions. She studied Consumer and Economics Psychology at Rijksuniversiteit Groningen in The Netherlands. Her favorite activities at Wizeline involve researching, facilitating workshops, and understanding business problems to align stakeholders and reach desired outcomes.
