Facilitation of me, myself, and I

Have you ever designed and moderated a workshop where you were the only participant? If not, you should try it out because it is a remarkable opportunity for self-reflection and self-discovery, where you will experience a full range of emotions from fun and dread to complete peace.

Intro

It is often said that people search for themselves in their 20s, but I am in this process in my 30s. 30s are the new 20s after all. But that doesn’t mean I spent my 20s doing nothing.

For the last decade or more, I’ve been setting new goals and expectations for myself for each new year, just like millions of people around the globe do, the only difference being that my new year starts with my birthday.
I expect each year to be a transformative experience. Two months prior to my special day, I reflect on the year that has passed. I evaluate what I’ve achieved, what’s still in progress, what I liked and didn’t like, and what I would like to improve. After that, I revisit the list of goals and expectations by discarding the irrelevant and adding new ones to the list.
I usually achieve 80% of what I set out to do. However, something unexpected happened in 2022 — I achieved less than 50% of my goals. When I realized that, I asked myself two questions: “Have you loosened up a bit?” and “Are you lost?”. The answer to both questions was yes.

After having talked to my psychologist and coach about it, I came to the conclusion that the only way to get back on track was to rewrite my story and note down my values, motivations, the things I like, and remind myself of what I enjoy doing the most and what I don’t want to be bothered with.
I had a hard time figuring out how to start. After some time, I decided to approach the problem by using the same methods I employ with my stakeholders, clients, and coworkers, not virtually, not on A4 papers, but the designer’s way, on the walls.

My intention in this blog is to share with you my process of self-discovery from this year and to tell you how I changed the look and feel of my apartment walls. I spent 10 days adding, removing, printing, and sticking papers on them and creating a vision board in a process that helped me to describe my values and goals. In this article, you will get insights into how you can apply similar methodologies to do the same. Of course, each of us is different, and some of the things might not resonate with you, so feel free to experiment with what works best for you.

Preparation: 8h

Duration: 10 days (not whole days, it was more marinating than active work)

Methodologies: A mix of methodologies such as Braindump, brainwriting, brainwalking, 5 whys, mood board, wheel method, and prioritization matrix, but it is important to note that I adjusted techniques based on my needs

Number of participants: only me, myself, and I

Materials:

• empty walls
• everything you can find at home that you can use to write on
• magazines or any other material that can help you to express yourself

Mindset:

• Open-minded
• Be ready to be surprised
• Allow yourself to dream big
• Think not only about today but also about the future
• Be patient with yourself because it takes time

Desired output:

1. Defined values that will make me feel excited
2. A direction which I want to follow (goals, vision, strategies, tactics)
3. Some clues that will let me know if I am on the right track to making my dreams come true

The process of self-discovery

Aren’t we all afraid of empty paper, frame walls, and apartments? I knew I was, which is why I took a piece of paper and drew a sketch of what I wanted my wall to look like. After that, I took picture frames and other elements, such as cloth and trays, that I had at home and stuck them onto the wall. This way, I created a structure for my 10-day brainstorming session.

Structure of the vision wall

“Create structure so that you can have freedom“
Matthew McConaughey: Greenlight

Preparation — Known and unknown facts

Before this exercise, I knew:

1. My personality type: ISFJ (I used 16 personalities)
2. Leadership assessments (something that my coworkers and I did with my coach, LeadershipCircle)
3. Areas in life that I care about the most (I used the one that I usually use for my yearly goals and wishes)
4. Sentences that described who I was (starting with “I am…”)
5. Questions I didn’t have answers to (What are my values? What is that big dream that I would like to pursue? What do I love? You can find the rest of the questions on the daily cadence here)

I used the knowledge from the first two points as a reminder of what I am capable of. This was extremely valuable at the moments when I felt discouraged.
I wrote the third and fourth points on tiny pieces of paper and put them on the wall. They were here to represent my beliefs at the moment of doing this exercise.
The last set of questions was, in a way, a guide to what I wanted to get out of the exercise. I recommend you start with these questions because it will set a direction for your workshop.

Value wheels — Get to know your values

In order to answer the most important questions, I had to start by defining my values. This was the hardest part. I was afraid of this because I had never defined my values before, so I thought I didn’t have them. However, in the end, this part of the process surprised me the most because my values were almost identical to the categories that I had previously used for my yearly goals setting.
I won’t forget that moment when I said to myself, all excited and relieved, “Gabi, you know yourself. You are not lost”.

Tips and additional materials:

There are many resources and different approaches to the value wheel, so adjust what you read based on your needs. Here is one of the articles that can help you to understand what that is.

For my exercise, I used these values cards.

Storytime — Write a story and describe each value

After I had discovered values, it was time for me to describe what each value meant to me and how I perceived them. I tried to limit each story to no more than 260 characters, but I also tried to explain the values with pictures because I found it hard to explain some of the feelings that came with each value.

Vision wall — 1st day

I was so proud of myself when I saw empty spaces on the wall slowly filling up. At some moments, I experienced joy and excitement and then fear. I was scared and overwhelmed at the same time. From time to time, I asked myself if I was an inspired genius or a madman (probably both 🙃). I felt the pressure because I was unsure if I could get there, and I kept asking myself whether I would even have time for all of that. And then, in the middle of the night, it hit me —

“There is a lot of work to be done, but there is enough time.”

Review and marinating

This part of the process lasted the longest because I wanted to take time and add or remove notes. I wanted the stories to marinate in order for me to feel comfortable with everything that was on that wall.

To put it in a business-like manner, I considered my values my objectives. Once I felt comfortable, I moved on to the next phase of the process, to tactics and strategies that could help me stay in line with my values, thus fulfilling my value stories.

Of course, the stories might change over time, and that’s fine, but at that moment, I just wanted to set a direction.

Wishes and actions

Vision, objectives, strategies, tactics, all those big words I was always afraid of, which is why I renamed them into wishes and actions.

While I was writing my value stories, I was also thinking about and writing down wishes and actions that could lead me to the desired outcomes of each value story. Once the stories were done, I revisited all the actions and added or removed some of the items.

Vision wall — 10th day

How do I see success?

I let the vision stay there for a couple of days until I felt like, “this is it.” Once I got to that stage, I prepared a folder and put everything inside it so that I could get back to it whenever I needed it. This way, I went through all of the items on the wall again, and I also wrote a number of “I” statements to show how I see myself and the success of each wish or action in the future, because I wanted to know if I was on a good path.

Conclusion

Even though I never considered myself as one, at the end of this exercise, I definitely saw myself as a visionary, a dreamer, and a person I want to hang out with more. We know more about ourselves than we think, we just need to ask the right questions and be brave enough to answer them.

There is no right or wrong way to approach this discovery process. Try it out and see what works for you.

Now it’s time for me to make the things from the wall become a reality and live that life from the vision board without hesitation.

Let me know if you have any questions or if you want to chat more about this discovery and definition process.

I hope you enjoy the journey.

☀️&❤️

Bonus
I would also like to share some findings about some universal beliefs and truths. We invent so many stories and scenarios about ourselves and others which sometimes discourages and limits us. You can find more about that here. And now, here are my beliefs before I did the exercise, followed by the truths discovered after the process:

My beliefs before the exercise:

1. I lost myself
2. I am not familiar with my values
3. I am limited by other people’s expectations

The truths:

1. I was already on the right track
2. I was familiar with my values but didn’t acknowledge them
3. It was the one who set the limits, not other people